Posted by orchid on December 4, 2005, at 23:57:04
In reply to Privacy boundaries, posted by one woman cine on December 4, 2005, at 17:09:16
I completely understand your view point. But I also have to say, the nature of the job is somewhat like that, and it is the therapist's/psychiatrist's job to explain things to their SO or Spouse and deal with it.
It is like being a film star - you will get mad fans, and you cannot stop the fans. When a therapist/psychiatrist does therapy, they are very well aware, that they start playing with a person's emotions, and that at any stage, it could get out of hand. They need to be adequately prepared for it, and prepare their families for it. It is like being a policeman. The SO of a policeman can't expect him to return home safely every night.
That said, I also think it is the duty of the patients to not call at the house, or stalk a T, or engage in otherwise criminal behavior which will cause a T and his family their happiness and peace of mind. But driving past is something which maybe many clients may not be able to resist. Same thing goes for googling a T and trying to find information. Both are somehow considered acceptable, because of their harmless nature.
If you also don't feel you are capable of dealing with it, you should ask your SO to talk to you about all the perils of the profession. And then decide if you are upto it.
> DISCLAIMER:
> This is strictly my personal opinion.
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> I think what began as a thread about love in therapy has turned to the idea of privacy. I totally agree that confidentiality and privacy are sacred tenets (or should be) in therapy. I really try to refrain from inserting my experience here, b/c I'm realize I'm in the minority and don't want my statements to be viewed as how therapists/therapy are. It is only my experience and opinion. But having said that, my SO doesn't discuss what goes on in work & we both want it that way for a variety of reasons which I really won't get into. But she's also human & can't just switch off when she comes home from work. (& I don't think I would want her to.) & let me also add, that whatever goes awry in therapy, lies solely in hands of the therapist. It is never the patients fault.
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> But I will say this about privacy, how would anyone here feel if the shoe is on the other foot & let me explain. (But let me first preface that by saying (and also emphasizing) everyone's therapy & whatever "arrangement" they have is between them & their therapist & what works for one person does not necessarily work for another.)
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> I value my privacy highly & my private life with my SO. Theoretically, how would you feel (you in the perjorative sense) if you had your spouses or SO's patients calling you at home (the age of caller ID)or repeatedly driving past your home? Or threats being made? How can their privacy be respected if they want to make themself known? I feel like my personal boundaries are being violated, maybe maliciously, maybe not. But it also creates a traingular relationship tangentially that I want no part of. & maybe the person doing this is curious or whatever, I am making no judgement on them. But it definitely has an deleterious effect on me. (& I think this happens, I am not faulting anyone.)
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> Now I understand, & I'm not including people who have arrangements with their therapists to call them & that's agreed upon by both parties. This is perfectly OK. But what happens when its not?
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> & I think, just my opinion, but maybe the person who engages in this is really not aware of the feelings of the other party such as myself - as it should be when they are in therapy in private. But this is an example of how boundaries get to be fuzzy and uncomfortable when the "therapy" relationship begins to shift out of the frame.
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> I guess I also feel uneasy with statements made in previous threads, maybe because they appear to me to be graphic and strike me as rather provocative. I understand there is quite a difference between discussion and action - & maybe it's the idea of the impending action which is uncomfortable for me. I will have to think of that further, I can't really articulate what I want to say about it (if anything at all) quite yet.
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> So I think privacy and respect goes both ways & that needs to be considered.
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poster:orchid
thread:583665
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051130/msgs/585635.html