Posted by allisonross on November 28, 2005, at 8:29:22
In reply to 3 days 12.5 hours to go!, posted by happyflower on November 27, 2005, at 22:29:13
Hi, all; have been following Happy's story. I have been in love with my t for over 2 years. The "elephant" in the room, has been discussed many, many times; we are authentic with each other.
I know he has feelings for me; it is obvious. He says he has been tempted. He says "as long as we talk about it, it isn't dangerous" (?!)...and as long as we don't act on our feelings. He also said: "I am afraid I am going to fall, and it would ruin my life."
From an article on the web: Transference or Reality? "The therapeutic relationship is the only occasion in which feelings for each other reeive special names (transference and countertranceference)
Such a generic name for a specific feeling. Nobody would doubt me if I said I had fallen in love with my neighbor, etc., but if I claim I have fallen in love with my therapist that is transference.
I would have fallen in love with my t (and told him), if I had met him anywhere else. He says he is "in pain, to a degree...if I am in pain." He knows that unrequited love is terrible and painful.
Someone mentioned something about men being pretty much alike, and learning to work and live with someone. Unfortunately, I disagree. I was married for 31 years to an abuser. He was as horrific as they get.
The difference between the "ex" and my t is as different as black and white.
I think what HappyFlower would like (is what everyone wants); simply affirmation of her feelings. She is intelligent and understands all the stuff that is going on, and it is possible to get hurt. I have been living in this pain of loving someone for over 2 years.
Criticism is criticism (no matter how gently put), and we all want to be understood (heard), and have our feelings affirmed.
I told my t that I would "rather be in pain WITH him, that be in pain WITHOUT him."
And so, the saga continues. We are so much alike it is scary (he has self-disclosed quite a lot). He said last year: "This is starting to look like a personal relationship." Duhhh, it has been for a very long time.
We cannot deny human nature. Put 2 people in a room for years..either there will be chemistry, or not. Obviously we all make our own choices on how to behave.
I've held the boundaries (ironic), but he has bent a lot of them.Bottom line? Love is love; it is real, and should be honored.
LOVE to you all/Ally
poster:allisonross
thread:582451
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051118/msgs/582936.html