Posted by jammerlich on November 16, 2005, at 22:26:38
In reply to Re: Its called DENIAL » jammerlich, posted by daisym on November 16, 2005, at 19:08:25
>>>>>> It is never my intention to minimize someone else's pain...never. And I struggled with how to post in this thread without it sounding like I was defending anyone who either abused a child or looked the other way.
<<<<<<< I know that you, of all people, would never intend to minimize another person's pain. I, for one, am very glad you decided to post here. And it seems I did a really terrible job at expressing myself (but no real surprise there - it seems to be a trend). Reading your earlier post, it just seemed to me that you've been able to come to a place where you're able to acknowledge that other person's pain and see how it fits into the picture without having it somehow lessen or invalidate your own. You don't seem defensive about it - but I am. I just wondered how you came to that place. Was it a lightbulb moment or some kind of slow progression, or what? And maybe it isn't even something that can be explained. Maybe it's something that just happens. I wish it would just happen for me!!! It seems like a much more peaceful, compassionate place.
>>>>>> I just wanted to try to balance things a little here by bringing in the possibility that a mother REALLY might not know.
<<<<<< I agree that sometimes (maybe even MOST of the time)a mother absolutely has no idea. I guess I was trying to express my pain because I feel like there was that moment in my life where any parent who had 1/2 their wits about them would HAVE to see that there was some problem. For some reason, that feels more hurtful to me than if she just never knew. Like she turned her back on me - the ultimate abandonment. What must that say about me that she would do that?
>>>>>> And a final thought -- how come dads aren't held as accountable when moms (or grandpa or uncle Joe)abuse kids?
<<<<<< That's hard - and I think you're exactly right that this happens - a lot! I'm trying to think about what my opinions are here and when abuse is happening within the home itself, I'm comfortable in saying that I hold both parents equally accountable. But when it's grandpa and uncle Joe, I find myself placing most of the accountability with the mother again. And I know that's wrong - old and stupid stereotypes coming into play.
Daisy, thanks for trying to keep this conversation balanced. I really do appreciate your perspective.
poster:jammerlich
thread:578834
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051107/msgs/579478.html