Posted by allisonross on November 15, 2005, at 8:30:37
In reply to Mothers - should they have known?? ***Trigger***, posted by jammerlich on November 14, 2005, at 23:15:42
>Hi, sweetie: According to everything I've read, etc., MOST mothers DO know; it is easier on them if they pretend they don't.
There's lots of reasons; fear that the husband will leave, is one of them. Of course this is all narcissistic behavior on the part of the mother.
They "sacrifice" their child.
I've been thinking a lot lately about the mother and whether or not she knew what the father was doing to me. Of course I think they all *should* know, but what I'm talking about is when signals as big as billboards are there and they just don't get it. Are they really that blind or do they simply choose to ignore?
most choose to ignore. How horrific; I cannot imagine that.
>
> I remember a point when I was certain she knew and that it would all finally end. She was in the hallway, holding something she'd found that I had been hiding - something no 7-year-old should have to worry about. I was so relieved because I thought, "She knows, she finally knows." But she started yelling at me. Scolding me for not properly laundering these things.Instead of being authentic/real, she was angry (that she knew, probably; only a guess), and so punished you with her misguided anger. her anger belonged and should have been placed on the criminal (your father)
I was so ashamed (I'm still ashamed), yet even then I was certain she'd talk to him - make it stop. But it didn't stop.
I am so sad for you. This is the horrific nature of abuse; the perpetrator goes on with his life, as if nothing had ever happened. The victim (always hated that word), is left with all of the shame/blame, and lives with that. Totally backwards!!
> I think she knew and turned her back on me. Is it possible to miss something like that?I think not. As painful as it is to realize this is common ( I cannot fathom it), but if a woman is dependent on her husband, and fearful he might leave her, this is what can happen, along with a host of other reasons there can be.
I am so sorry. Are you in counseling? I've been counseling abused women for the past 10 years (no degree, but 31 years of experience and research); I was molested also (never knew my father), but a different situation (asleep in my bed, while my mother left me alone at night; didn't even know who it was);
Long story; you can read it if you like: www.psychiatricjournal.com, entitled; The Transcendent Child on Overcoming Verbal and Spiritual Abuse
love and hugs, Ally (e-mail me if you like: wacalice@aol.com)
poster:allisonross
thread:578834
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051107/msgs/578895.html