Posted by allisonross on October 26, 2005, at 8:17:09
In reply to Re: Boundaries Bending (Love w/T)or: Abusing Myself » allisonross, posted by Tamar on October 25, 2005, at 17:20:19
> Hello Allison, Hi, Tamar: so nice to meet you, too!
>
> I’ve read a few of your posts, so I’m familiar with your story, but I don’t think we’ve communicated directly before. It’s nice to meet you.
>
> If I understood correctly, you were asking for feedback about your feeling that you should leave your therapist because you say what he is doing is sex exploitation.
>
> I will admit I’m not certain what you mean by sex exploitation. You say there’s no sexual contact between you and no kissing. So I’m not entirely sure what’s exploitative. Did you mean the sense you have that he’s attracted to you but not telling you?.....sex exploitation/sex contact includes: suggestive remarks, sitting too close. I'll find that quote and write again, so I get the wording properly. He does the double-entendre innuendo stuff; he has (recently gotten physical)...maybe I will write more about this later.
>
> If that’s the case, I guess I’d say that I don’t think attraction in itself is exploitative. No, of course attraction isn't exploitive; no one can help how we feel; only how we behave, and I tease him outrageously, and he does...also......we are so much alike, it is scary (self-disclosure here) If he were suggesting that he’s interested in having a relationship with you outside therapy, then I think that would be a cause for concern. No, he has never indicated that, but he certainly IS having in a sense....a personal relationship with me IN the office. He said last year: "This is starting to look like a personal relationship." Duhhh..... And if you feel he's bending boundaries, then I think the best course of action is to talk to him about it, but I know it's not easy to do. I have confronted him many times about things that upset me, etc., and it has worked out beautifully (takes all of my guts to confront anyone, and to confront your t.....wow! I just am not ready to go there yet; matter of fact; I called him Monday (2 days ago), to discuss how upset I was by some things he said on Sunday night; told him I didn't want the anger to fester; wanted to confront it, resolve it and forget it---he said: "good job"!!! Confrontation always difficult for me, but I trained myself to do it, because if i don't, it s the same as abusing myself; well I could write a ton more, but will stop for now. That is the nightmare of the situation. I see the reality and KNOW what I should do, but I don't want to. I only live for my appointment (it is 2 hours----for awhile it ws 3 hours, and then he had a conversation with me about boundaries of time, etc; like I care, LOL< LOL >
> If there are specific things that worry you that you don’t want to post on a public forum, feel free to Babblemail me. In case you haven’t done it before, you can click on the blue underlined name Tamar at the top of this post and your computer will give you a new form that you can type in. It’s email based so anything you say will be private and won’t appear here on the message board.
>
> Of course, you can always reply here if you prefer.
>
> Best wishes
> Tamar
>
>
poster:allisonross
thread:571768
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051025/msgs/572024.html