Posted by allisonross on October 25, 2005, at 15:33:15
Hi, all....new here ..I've been reading all the posts on people in love with their t's.....I could write a book about what has transpired in 3 years with my t (actually, I have.written..my memoir: Ghost Child to Triumph/from a child with no voice, to someone who speaks up against injustice), and have a publisher interested......The bottom line is (and I will work my way backwards, here, LOL) I realize that my t (still a brilliant, sensitive, empathic, the most intelligent man I ever met, etc, etc., etc.)and I don't say that because I love him (I felt that way BEFORE I fell in love with him. I realize I should leave him, because what he is doing is called "sex exploitation:) No, we are not having sex or kissing (not that that is not...what I want), LOL....and I have read tons of material about the t relationship, etc., and understand intellectually about boundaries, the frame, holding, etc., etc.....I went to him because my church (of 31 years wanted to vote me out of membership, cause I got a divorce after 31 years of abuse); he was an expert in spiritual abuse....and journeyed with me like an angel who just appeared at the precise moment I needed him...He taught me the most valuable words I'd ever heard: Restorative Justice--This is what you did..this is how it made me feel.....so incredibly empowering to someone (except for 3 years in the army) abused for a lifetime (in childhood/physical, emotional, molested), and then that pesky little 31 years of verbally abusive marriage (also physical abuse) ..I know I am jumping around, so forgive me; I would like to share my story, and there is so much...if you would like the Reader's Digest Version: www.psychiatricjournal.com...entitled: The Transcendent Child on Overcoming Verbal and Spiriual Abuse (amazing to be published by the psych's! I also have my own site: www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com....poems of anguish, healing, hope and comfort (faith-based)....I fought the church for 18 months, and in the end, had my name put up on a big screen, followed by the words: CONDUCT UNBECOMING A CHILD OF GOD. I was standing up for all of the women who had been "counseled" by the pastor (of disaster, LOL), and 2 of them were suicidal! Anyway, understanding transference, as my t explained it, it isn't a word that is difficult to understand, and he said "most people misinterpret it; it simply means the feelings we engender in one another....but we ALL experience transference; it just means the feelings you feel for someone else in interactng with them, or that they engender in you...of course there is the technical transference which Freud spoke of (my t doesn't remind me of anyone I know or anyone in my past)---at least CONSCIOUSLY! LOL ... We joke and tease outrageously; he has said "I don't want to hurt you." I could write of a 100 things he has said and done that say: I am attracted majorly/and or/Iove you. He said: "As long as we discuss it, it isn't dangerous" Well, we have discussed it lots. it is the "elephant in the living room!" Double entendres......lots of stuff I don't feel comfortable including here...just wanted to vent, and so grateful for all of you! I have been counseling abused women for past 15 years (Consider myself an "expert" in verbal abuse, I lived it (except for 3 years in the army) for a lifetime, and did extensive research. Verbal abuse is rampant on our planet, and rarely noticed nor dealt with; ot even by therapists, unless they have been specifically trained. The book which i believe should be required reading: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans; saved my mind (found it after 25 years of abuse) My t and others tell me I would make "a wonderful therapist." Thought of getting my license, but feel I can reach people a t will never see, and think I am where I am supposed to be....the old I can help everyone else, but not myself, LOL, LOL....Actually I KNOW what I should do (confront him)....leave, but I choose not to do this at this time....I think the only fear I ever had was that of being abandoned (every man in my life has abused or abandoned me), and here I am, alone for the 1st time in 36 (with the x for that long) years.....it has finally happened, but I am doing well and coping.....I really (please) don't want advice/because it would feel like criticism, and you know how we sensitive types are, LOL, LOL, but I would LOVE feedback, and be honored by whatever you will say...I know by reading, that you are all such lovely and caring people, all hurting people on the planet; hoping and looking to stay out of pain, in whatever way you can; if we can all be gentle and sensitive to one another...what a gift, eh? Love and hugs to you all ...aren't you glad I finally stopped?! LOL, LOL...P.S. Ironic isn't it....I am the client and I "get it"---as to what is going on, but I (being the hungry, needy for love, touch, etc....not even....to MENTION......sex, ahem!), but I....repeat I.....keep the boundaries! Wait til I tell you what I have planned for Halloween (wait til I tell you what I did LAST Halloween!)...Yup, i am crazy, a real mess, but i am...in a .controlled way!! So, enough about ME, what do YOU think about ME?! Beat me kick me, make me wright bad checks...On a serious note, a favorite quote: "I am more impressed by what someone has overcome, than by what they have accomplished."
poster:allisonross
thread:571768
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051025/msgs/571768.html