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Re: shouldn't have gone

Posted by alexandra_k on August 29, 2005, at 20:20:08

In reply to Re: One step foward, however fr*gging many steps back alexandra_k, posted by Damos on August 29, 2005, at 17:26:35

she was right. he was nice. but yeah, my file was just one of the many that his supervisor decided to throw his way. his supervisor won't come near me with a barge pole because there was some misunderstanding all the way back... and he thought i was threatening him or something <cringe>. anyways... sometimes i really do hate my self so very damned much. i'm feeling sorry for him (for what i'm saying and how i'm feeling and how f*cking hard i can be to be around sometimes) and going off kind of at him at the same time. f*ck f*ck F*CK. still... he didn't throw me out just kind of sat there... said the odd stupid thing but then really, what is there to say. and how i feel... how i feel is just like when i was a little kid and i'm living with my mother and in my room mostly and so f*cking lonely only i don't know that thats what it is and im thinking WHY WON'T SOMEONE F*CKING HELP ME and nobody does and nobody comes and funding this and that blah blah blah and the outcome is the same. and its not so very damned hard to make sense of yourself sometimes but the world is just f*cking crazy. and people are overworked and i don't f*cking care they are lazy sacks of sh*t who will dump people off because they can't be bothered. because effort is a scarce resource. because they can't handle not knowing every f*cking thing. and its pathetic. thats what it is. f*cking pathetic. there isn't anyone to treat me? well so im just supposed to what??? nobodies treated that before...
IM A F*CKING PERSON YOU *SSHOLES
WHAT F*CKING DIFFERENCE DOES THAT MAKE???
SO I'M JUST SUPPOSED TO WHAT???
CURL UP AND DIE SOMEWHERE???
and i didn't say all that but i did say i wouldn't go back and see him again. that it must be horrible for him to sit there and listen to that because its not his fault and it does me no good. it does me no good. because its hard to put away.

give me a couple days...
i'll come right.

 

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