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Re: Why am I so incompetent? Tamar

Posted by cricket on August 29, 2005, at 9:38:55

In reply to Re: Why am I so incompetent? cricket, posted by Tamar on August 27, 2005, at 5:20:40

> Ive thought about doing that. Part of whats stopping me is that Im not really depressed. And also I think Im trying to make it through the grieving process; I think I spend a lot of time in denial, and I think moving toward accepting can only happen if I dont see him again. The thought of seeing him again is part of the denial.
>
Okay, but he doesn't only see depressed people, right?

So you had a really intense transference for six months. You had all sorts of feelings including sexual ones. So now you've cut off all contact so you can grieve through all those feelings that you knew all along would never be realized.

But what if just the opposite is happening? What if cutting off all contact has sort of frozen him in god land?

What if you went back to see him for a few sessions and the time that has elapsed and the fact that you are no longer depressed gives you a different perspective?

Did that ever happen with a boyfriend? You know you think they are the greatest but they don't quite adore you in the same way. Then some time elapses and you see them again, and you think "what was I thinking!"

Not that would completely happen with your therapist. I mean you would always be grateful for everything he's done for you. But I think that maybe the feelings might be more manageable.

> Im also starting to think that Im finding it a bit hard because getting so much done in six months meant having a fairly intense transference going on, which on reflection seems almost inevitable in the circumstances. But we never talked about it; I think he was using methods and techniques that are supposed to keep the focus of therapy away from transference. So I guess Ive been trying to work through that since termination. And thats probably not ideal. I suppose I could see him specifically to try to deal with that. But the idea of seeing him specifically to resolve transference issues is frankly terrifying! Id rather eat my own ears.
>
Yeah, me too. But you don't have to go back for transference issues. You could tell him now that you're no longer depressed you're thinking of ways that you'd like to change. You're feeling the lack of certain kinds of friendships in your life or something like that.

Tamar, please ignore all this if it doesn't apply. I know our issues are a bit different so I may have no idea what I'm talking about.

But it seems like you may be a bit punitive on yourself. You got some much out of therapy and your therapist that maybe you think you've used up your allotment :-)

Are you afraid that he won't be glad to hear from you? But aren't you glad to hear from old students?


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