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Re: I am always in search of something .. what is it? » Tamar

Posted by orchid on August 12, 2005, at 20:59:13

In reply to Re: I am always in search of something .. what is it? » orchid, posted by Tamar on August 12, 2005, at 20:42:52

Thanks Tamar..

I laughed when I read your part about God Transference and wishing that your T was a deity.

Maybe what you are saying is true.. Maybe I keep longing for that ultimate acceptance and love from a guy. And it is probably not going to happen. And I do feel like a child a lot and am probably looking for a father figure.. But even when I was in India at my home with my dad when I was young, I had this same restless feeling. AT that time I thought once I find my guy, this will go away. But it never did.

Maybe I am not even looking for that unconditional acceptance, but more like a validation..

My husband loves me, but he doesn't know half of me. My dad understands me, but he doesn't know how to give me that kind of validation, and I don't want it from him either.

Perhaps that is what I longed for so much with my ex ex T. And I think he was not capable of that much understanding or giving me that validation.

Thanks for your thoughts..

> Hi Orchid,
> I'm still getting used to your new name! I like it a lot, though...
> I looked at your list and I noticed that you seemed to reject all the possibilities outright, except the first one:
> > Is it the love of a guy who understands me, and whom I love? I don't know.. I have thought of that possibility, but I think it is not true..
> On that one you seem less certain. So I suspect that there’s the thing you’re looking for, or some variation of it.
> I think everybody wants love. And for those who were hurt in childhood, there’s often a desire for a perfect love that transcends the usual love of a man for a woman.
> My husband loves me, but he doesn’t entirely understand me and there are limits to his love (it would be a serious problem for him if I had a gambling addiction or a substance abuse problem). He doesn’t love me unconditionally; it’s not possible for him.
> I want to be loved with the sort of love that people say can only come from God. In fact, I think part of my transference was a God transference. If only my therapist could have been a deity…
> Maybe you’re looking for the kind of absolute acceptance that is only truly possible in infancy?
> If so, it's not impossible to be happy. I think contentment is about finding ways to enjoy what we have left after grieving what we've lost, if that makes sense.
> Tamar




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