Posted by LittleGirlLost on July 8, 2005, at 22:31:58
In reply to Re: Need help figuring out feelings..... please? » LittleGirlLost, posted by Daisym on July 8, 2005, at 19:08:36
> I totally know. I think I cried through most of my session yesterday admitting how intensely I missed him and how hard it was to "survive" the two weeks he was away. AND I rail against just "surviving" it...
I know exactly how you feel! It does feel like survival, and I can't tell you how many times I've called her after a session, feeling very little, and asking her if I was going to die - because it felt like it. I told her it felt like I was too little to be left all alone and that I thought I was going to die. Ugggh! And it's not just vacations, I go through this week after week. Sometimes I worry and wonder if it's all worth it. Especially if something happened to her! Why is it so scary to be attached to someone? To need them, and even (can I say this?) love them?
I really admire how you were able to share your true feelings with your T. I have yet to cry. She knows I want to sometimes, but also knows how afraid I am. I think it's wonderful that you were able to! I'm actually jealous.
> Because most of my life I've been trained to never, ever, ever, reveal anything that has the potential to make someone else feel bad, especially if it was with regards to my feelings. You swallow hurt feelings, you don't discuss them!
Wow, we must be related. Same here.
(And I'm glad at how well he handled your pain.)> That is my really long winded way of saying that I'm sure your therapist will understand your grief and worry and that it will help if you share it with her. And I strongly doubt that she will think you did something "bad" -- she will be pleased that you were so resourceful in taking care of yourself. I can't imagine how distraught you would have been for more than a week if you hadn't called. So don't worry.
Thanks... And you're right; I'm sure she will understand, but I always worry that because I don't cry or really show any emotion, does she really get an accurate picture of what I'm experiencing? Sometimes she'll ask, and I say yes, because I truly believe she understands, but I tell her to multiply it by 100, 1000, etc. for the emotions that I cannot express.
> I wish it was easier on you than this. I'll hold your hand until Thursday if you want.Thank you Daisy; I really need it. Okay if I hug you? ((((Daisy))))
lgl
poster:LittleGirlLost
thread:524903
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050706/msgs/525254.html