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Re: Need help figuring out feelings..... please? » daisym

Posted by GreySkyEyes on July 8, 2005, at 12:47:35

In reply to Re: Need help figuring out feelings..... please?, posted by daisym on July 8, 2005, at 11:03:24

> I think we work so hard to let our therapist become part of our inner lives, we share so much, that it does feel dangerous when they are out of sight. It is the youngest, most vulnerable parts saying, "hey, what about me?!" There is an explanation offered by self-psychologists that basically (simplistically put here) suggests that when we "do" deep therapy work, we strip away the false constructs of our self and begin to look for our authentic core. But the process of doing that is very painful, because you have to sort out what is real and what is part of your fake front, or emotional armor. Once you've broken down things, you need to rebuild your core and then your constructs. But you can't walk around without any core self, so we "borrow" our therapist's core, their strength and we soak up reassurance that they will keep us together until we can keep ourselves together. It feels horrible to be so fragmented as we work through this process.
>

Wow, Daisy, that's an amazing explanation! I've been feeling lost without my T this week, and couldn't figure out why. But that makes so much sense! My therapy lately has been focused on how emotionally withdrawn my parents were, and I've come to so many realizations as to how far back the dysfunction goes and how deeply it has affected me. In effect, I've had to strip down my constructs, as you said. And yes there is that feeling that I'm not emotionally whole right now... but she is always there to validate everything I'm feeling and metaphorically hold my hand through the painful journey to rebuild. So her leaving is like pulling her hand away, no matter how temporarily, and like a small child I'm unsteady without that support.

Sorry for going off-course here, Daisy's response set off so many blazing light bulbs...

LGL, I totally empathize and agree, you were so brave to call the backup T. I could never bring myself to call my T's backup. Yay that she wasn't in London, and she'll be back before you know it. :)

Hugs to both of you (if you don't mind),
gse


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