Posted by kerria on June 29, 2005, at 16:58:31
In reply to Re: Can body memories be constant? MT » kerria, posted by Jen Star on June 29, 2005, at 13:25:23
Thank you Damos, Badhaircut and JenStar. i appreciate your thoughts so much.
The side effects of the oxycontin are worse than ever today, i feel like i have a bad sunburn on the outside and the inside of my body- like all the nerves are burning. my eyes hurt all the time and are so sensitive to light and a weird pain/ numb feeling in my chest and it's hard to swallow drinks or food.The last time i took a dose i only took 40mg instead of 60mg. and i think i feel a little better and it worked for the pain. i have to cut down, i'm getting so sick. i work in the heat and sun.am i going to start having withdrawal, i wonder?
i hope not a migraine - i get seriously ill with migraines, i was in the hospital last week with one after suffering heat sickness at work. i became too engrossed in what i was doing that i forgot to drink water and was so sick.To answer your questions,
The pain management dr was thinking as i was - that the direct cause of pain would be found. The DEA is giving him a hard time or he is afraid of that, that's why he is upset with me. Also because i wasn't able to be still during the first attempt to have the nerve block. When i consented to having it the dr said that i would have sedation. No sedation was given, Dr said some would be given later into the procedure but that's not good enough for us, my little part (Little parts always come when i'm overwhelmed)was already terrified and couldn't stop crying.
The Dr doesn't know or understand that i have parts that are hard to control.my T will help me through hypnosis, he can talk to them better than me, for the next time. The second nerve block is scheduled in about two weeks. i'm so afraid that i can't do it but i have to try, Dr said.
i could try to get another opinion, i already went to one Dr at a large hospital who is supposed to be one of the best in my area. He didn't think my pain was real. When i refused to give him the name of my T (because i didn't want to be labeled as a crazy person and not be treated, the pain is so bad) he refused to treat me. Maybe it was a mistake, i should have given him T's name - my DID - separation between parts is severe and i thought that i wouldn't have a chance of getting out of pain and i was too desperate.
T didn't really accuse me, it's been a battle going to t.- i'm always upset, we switch a lot and cry a lot - for months of weekly sessions i cried all the way through, it's so painful to live when i'm so separated. Then i blame T for not helping/caring. i leave T's office in crisis about 75% of the time. The only reason why i go to t. is to find out about what my parts think and are doing. T talk to them and we listen to the answers. Otherwise i wouldn't know what i'm doing.
The session on Tuesday wasn't bad, T said he'd work with me about the pain to see if it were connected to trauma- no pressure- right.
Then T did an amazing thing, he said that a stuffed animal in his office was real. and it was. T's office is magic because his animals are real and they care about me, they love me. i was needing some support from somewhere and he made them be real.
i know this doesn't make sense but at least it will be not as negative to go to T's office tomorrow, so that's good. We're having a hard time. T's trying to help.Jen Star, Before the severe pain started K.- a part was on a backpacking trip and having a hard time carrying the pack. It was too heavy and it had rained, making it worse. i fell and hit my lower back on the edge of a rock. i wondered about this injury but all the tests were ok- i had x-rays, there's some abnormality but it's not enough to cause pain i have, they said. Nothing else happened that i could think of. The dr thought it was due to the m-protein in my blood and gave pain medicine thinking it may have been myloma and it proved to be a low level, thank God. i just need to keep having tests and hope that it doesn't get worse but there's not a cause known for the pain.
This is a terrible situation. i've had so many tests and so much money owed to find source of pain. we even went to the Mayo Clinic . So many drs have said the abnormalities don't explain the pain. Other drugs like anti-inflamitory medicine (i found i'm allergic to Lodine, severe heart reaction to toridol and regalan), neurontin, doesn't help at at all. Nothing makes pain worse or better- it doesn't matter what i do, it's still severe. The worst is sitting or lifting heavy things. i don't think i could anything at all if i don't take pain medicine except cry in agony. i can't live with it .
Thank you so much for being there, for listening.
i'm so afraid about what will happen, now that i have to start getting off oxycontin and i'm worried about being able to have the nerve block in two weeks.
thanks for any feedback,
kerria
poster:kerria
thread:520895
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050628/msgs/521172.html