Posted by kerria on June 28, 2005, at 23:40:33
Hi Everyone,
This is my first time here, we came from another place. it's important to find support because i don't support myself. i have DID and not the kind where there is a happy club inside where everyone is happy to help. there's a lot of conflict most of the time and it always feels like no one is on my side- not even me. My parts are opposites of each other and there is no 'host' or leader part. We live from day to day with the confusion of not knowing who i am because it keeps changing.
Today my T accused (for lack of a better word) me of my constant pain being 'real' but not from a physical cause - from body memories.
Could anyone have body memories that are constant- for eighteen months straight?
Has anyone here ever been in that situation?It's so so difficult. i've been in terrible severe pain since December 2003. Not one day of relief without medicine for pain. i've been tested, had surgery, done everything i could and the source of my pain hasn't been found.
i had gyn surgery in January 2004, there were a lot of adhesions and dr removed all the usual stuff that can cause pain. i was still in severe pain afterwards so i thought that i must have colon cancer. i had a colonoscopy. it was so hard for me. nothing was 'wrong' or abnormal except many white patches that mean irritation. i have too many immunogloblins in my blood, IgA i think but not enough, thank God, to need treatment- but that is not the cause of my pain, drs said after the workup. No one could find the reason why i'm in so much pain. It's constant and sharp, it's unliveable. It never stops except with medicine.
Then i went to a pain management Dr, who put me on pain medicine. i was already on 10mg oxycontin 3 x a day through my GP, who referred me to the pain management Dr. He gradually increased the dose to what i'm at now, a year later- 60 mg of oxycontin 3 x a day and oxycodone 5mg 3 or 4 x a day for breakthrough. i'm mostly out of pain until seven hours go by and it comes back. There are so many side effects of oxycontin at this high dose and i'm a little person weighing just 96 lbs now, usually 105- i can hardly eat because i have trouble swallowing. The migraines have been horrendous. i hate the medicine but i hate the triggering pain worse . Now i'm scheduled for a nerve block procedure-for the second time. The first time we cried too much- it made me move and Dr said it was too dangerous to do the nerve block. i have a hard time controlling because i have parts.
i'm in so much trouble.
Pain management Dr isn't going to keep writing prescriptions and has accused me of just wanting drugs but i need to be out of this terrible pain, it's not possible to live with. i don't know what to do, so so afraid of what will happen. i don't think that it's possible that severe constant pain like this could be trauma related.
Has anyone had long term pain like this because of trauma?
i know that the pain is real and it's physical, not psychological but the reason hasn't been found yet. T said that he is just using the idea as a hypothesis to find out.
Thank you for reading and any reponse.
i have trouble a lot about agreeing to write and get upset later. i hope there is a way to delete or move if there's a problem. i have to trust sometimes, it's so hard.i'm happy to find a place to get advice and find others experience.
thank you,
kerria
poster:kerria
thread:520895
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050628/msgs/520895.html