Posted by Tamar on June 23, 2005, at 18:21:47
In reply to Would you ask your T if he is attracted to you?, posted by happyflower on June 23, 2005, at 16:25:52
> I think my T is attracted to me, but tries to hide it. Should I ask him? Or if it is true and the secret is out, will he transfer me to someone else? Which is kinda funny because he himself is a supervisior to other T's but he has a private office. I really like him and would hate to lose the personal chemistry between us, by him really putting up big boundries for me. What if I am wrong? Do you think he will be honest with me? OR will he even answer my question? He hasn't done anything unethical but I think you can tell when someone is attracted to you. To me it is so obvious.
I don't think there's any harm in asking, and I think he probably won't transfer you to someone else, from what you've said about him. But I also think it's unlikely that he'll give you any kind of real answer. He'll probably ask you what it would mean to you if he said yes and if he said no. Most of the stuff I've read indicates that there aren't many therapeutic gains to be found in a therapist's dislosure of his attraction to a client, and I think they tend to believe this. Of course, we clients might see things differently!
If you are fairly sure he is attracted to you, it might be more fun to flirt wildly than to get into a discussion about attraction!
> I also want to know why he seems uncomfortable when I talk about sex, sexual fantasies, etc. It is almost like he removes himself from the room. He lookes down or away, or sometimes gets a little embarrest in an innocent little boy way. Is is because he is old fashioned? Is it because he is uncomfortable because he is attracted to me? Or is it me being inappropiate? Or is it because he feels I am attracted to him? Or was, or maybe still. lol What are your take on this?
I think you are more likely to get an answer about this than to your question about his possible attraction to you. This is a question about how he behaves in therapy, and he should be able to answer it, although he might go though through the whole "what do *you* think it means" routine.
> I have read that T's do get attracted sometimes to their clients. What would you do? Should I just shut up and enjoy making him swirm, or should I bring it out into the open and risk our theraputic relationship? I have never told him I am attracted to him, he may have noticed, but I never have said anything.
I don't think bringing it up should risk your therapeutic relationship. And if it bothers you, then perhaps you should mention it. In fact, it could actually make your therapeutic relationship deeper!
Oh, and if you think he's probably attracted to you, then you might well be right. It's pretty common. After all, he's only human! But the poor soul can't do anything about it. Mwhahahaha!
Hope you find a way to decide what to do.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:517585
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050622/msgs/517643.html