Posted by Tamar on June 20, 2005, at 16:28:52
In reply to T called, posted by Shortelise on June 20, 2005, at 15:23:39
> He said that this isn't the first time I've walked out of a session, and that he hoped I'd come back as soon as possible and talk about the things I wrote.
I’m glad he called, and I’m glad he wants you to come back as soon as possible. I think he’s offering you an olive branch there.
> He said lots of stuff, all in that ten-miles-away voice. All very matter of fact, all very "I'm sorry if you don't like what I'm saying but it needs to be said" voice.
>
> He understood from my note that I am asking him not to point things out to me!! I am asking him to be gentler. Maybe he can't be, maybe he's tried that and it hasn't worked.Or maybe he doesn’t understand how you feel about losing your safe place, and needs it explained to him in words of one syllable…
> I said I felt like he wants me to go away, that he dislikes and is fed up with me. He said I have to take responsibility for those feelings because they are not how he feels. He said it's imortant to see where they come from.I guess seeing where they come from would involve dealing with the myriad feelings that impending termination evokes.
> He would prefer to see me every three weeks, not once a month.
I think that’s a good thing. It seems to imply that he thinks you need a more gradual approach to termination, which would give you more safety and more time to work things through.
> What? So how can I imagine that he hates me and wants me to go away? I hate me and want me to go away, how can he not?
I’m sure he doesn’t hate you. And after seven years it must be hard for him to think about the end of your therapy. I’m certain he wants to approach it in a way that will be bearable for both of you.
> Help. Help! I feel so awful.
(((((ShortE)))))
> He said that he does not like it that I left like that instead of staying and talking things through, and he did not like it that I said as I was leaving that he is a nasty person. (He didn't say I'd called him a nasty little man. That's a way nastier thing to say than just calling him a nasty person!! I have to wonder if his receptionist altered what I said for his benefit. We're kind of pals, and I wouldn't put it past her.)
Yes, a nasty person is a better spin on it! I suppose he could feel a little hurt, and he might be surprised that you left, especially if it’s been a long time since you walked out of therapy. I hope he realizes that your action indicates some very profound feelings and that he needs to start being more gentle with you.
> He said it would have been best if I'd stayed in the room and told him I thought he was being nasty.
I assumed you pretty much lost your temper. Is that how it was? Sometimes things can feel so awful that it’s impossible to stay. Yes, perhaps staying would have been best. And I’m sure if you’d felt that staying was possible you would have stayed. So if staying wasn’t possible, the reasons for that are important to think about.
> I don't know. I want him to feel as bad as I do. It's completely infantile how I feel. He said something about how I should "use the skills Ive learned." *sshole. (God, I love that word. It has a certain something that no other insult does.) How in the world does he think I get through every day.
Maybe he does feel pretty bad. I would bet my house he wasn’t expecting you to walk out. That would explain his ten-miles-away voice. A voice like that is a form of self-protection, in my view. (BTW, I love *sshole too, and also w*nker…)
> Babblers, please talk to me, no holds barred. GG, you too. If I am being an idiot here, I need to hear it from my far away pals from whom I have some distance. I could hear it from someone very close, too, but there is no one close to me who can see this clearly.
I don’t think you are being an idiot. But if you really want a no-holds-barred comment, then I would say: start your next session by talking about termination. Never mind the whys and wherefores about leaving your last session, or his lack of gentleness. Those things will almost certainly come up in the course of discussion. But if you start out by setting the agenda, everything else you talk about can be interpreted in the light of your feelings about termination. Or maybe I’m way off the mark… feel free to flame me if necessary!
> ShortE, feeling stupid and pathetic and all wrong and suicidal. Suicidal for me is an idea, not an act, so I won't actually do it. How I wish I would.
I’m glad you say you won’t, even if you’re thinking about it. Please do take care of yourself. I couldn’t bear to lose you!
Have you made a new appointment to see him yet?
poster:Tamar
thread:513787
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050615/msgs/516110.html