Posted by Tamar on June 6, 2005, at 18:50:32
In reply to Re: Trying to make peace and let go » Tamar, posted by pinkeye on June 6, 2005, at 18:14:51
> > Oh absolutely. I’ve been married for nine years, so I’m no longer trying lots of partners –
>
> LOL :-))
>
> > it just doesn’t seem like a good idea! And I’ve been trying to understand it, and things are getting better, though it’s slow progress…
>
> ARe you frustrated because of it? Or are you happy enough but just want to make it better?Hmm... It has changed a lot over time. Many years ago, I was happy enough with the way things were, but I certainly didn't have the sort of sex life I really wanted. I just thought it wasn't possible for me to have a better experience. I used to think I should just accept that I almost never had an orgasm with a partner, and I thought I should try to enjoy sex regardless. But I experienced a lot of dissociation during sex, and I didn't actually realise that was happening (I'm a bit slow!).
So I've been working on trying to stay present during sex. However, staying present means dealing with some triggers. That can be frustrating. On the other hand, when I manage to handle the triggers and stay present it is actually extremely fulfilling.
> I don't like being serious.. I can actually be very happy and cheerful and outgoing if I put in a little bit of effort. And I did very well when I had my ex T continuosly supporting. Now I find it difficult to motivate me.
Oh yes. I didn't really think of serious as the opposite of happy and cheerful. I suppose I just meant you don't often seem to goof around. But of course you're going through a very hard time right now and maybe you don't feel like goofing around very often!
poster:Tamar
thread:507378
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050606/msgs/508747.html