Posted by pinkeye on May 17, 2005, at 19:40:11
In reply to Re: How he would have responded *****Trigger****** » messadivoce, posted by Tamar on May 17, 2005, at 17:37:57
> Those biological responses are horrible. Inevitable, perhaps, but horrible and extremely confusing. It doesn’t mean you wanted it, or that it was your fault. We just can’t help how our bodies react. But yes, it does cause problems with intimacy later. It can take a long time to recover sexually, but it is possible. It’s hard work (well, I found it hard work) but it’s worth the effort to find pleasure in your own body and in someone else’s.
This part I can identify with a lot. My new T says that I keep longing for emotional intimacy from my dad. And that makes me feel very guilty and confused. But she says, it is not something that I desire actually - she says that I need clarification about what went on with my father. If he was making me play the role of a companion. And I know very well that I had no other choice at that time. But still I blame myself. And my T actually says that a part of me keeps longing for having that same kind of a relaitonship wiht a man. That is why she says I keep getting immensely attracted to people who are little authoritative but who is unavailable to me sexually - just like my dad was.And even that is very confusing.
>> Incidentally, my ex-T was a man, and I found it very useful to talk to a man about sexual assault and sexual problems, but there were times when it was very difficult. I think his maleness was an advantage because I found the transference aspect of it ultimately very helpful, though terribly painful. I’m guessing that I might have found a female T easier to talk to about it all, but the transference wouldn’t have been so intense. In my situation I really needed erotic transference to make sense of my body’s reaction to the trauma, and to think about overcoming my problems with sexual intimacy, but it might be different for you.
I also feel that the transference was really helpful in getting lof of those issues out. Otherwise, if I had gone to a female T back then, I would have ended up just talking intellectually about things, and that wouldn't have been enough. I needed to get that reaction from myself to understand the patterns.
But now, once I understood it, I don't need a male T. Actually now it helps to have a female T, because I can talk about many issues very openly.With my exT, I found it difficult to keep telling
him some of the things that were bothering me a lot. I usually only just mentioned it lightly and didn't make a big deal out of it. But I knew I was feeling very very very bad inside. But I couldn't bring myself to tell him how bad it felt.
poster:pinkeye
thread:499027
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050513/msgs/499142.html