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Re: How he would have responded *****Trigger****** » messadivoce

Posted by pinkeye on May 17, 2005, at 16:33:51

In reply to How he would have responded *****Trigger******, posted by messadivoce on May 17, 2005, at 16:09:20

I understand how you feel.

I had the same concerns. I didn't even have csa as such.. but my new T calls it that anyway.

I wish I had the courage and openness tell my ex T. And to ask him what he thought. In fact, it has caused me lots of issues and maybe even one of the major root causes of my aloofness and loneliness and identity issues. But I was afraid.

And it is too late to go now and tell him everything.

But I was afraid he will turn it onto me - maybe somehow I am to be blamed. He always used to ask me to take responsibility. And actually at that time I didn't think too much of it.

I was just hugged a lot (maybe inappropriately) and made to sleep in the same bed with my dad, hugging him etc even into adulthood. I don't know if it charecterizes as csa. And I didn't tell my ex T. Because I thought he might blame me. Actually I didn't have any control over it.. I tried to pull away several times, but my dad wouldn't let me do it. I used to sleep facing the wall many times, but my dad would always ask me to come and hug him and sleep close to him - even till I was 16 - 17. And my mom didn't object to it either.. and I didn't know if is was wrong. I used to feel very ashamed and didn't like it so much. But I always thought my dad just loves me a lot.



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poster:pinkeye thread:499027
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