Posted by mair on May 4, 2005, at 17:48:11
In reply to He said he feels left out » mair, posted by Daisym on May 4, 2005, at 10:19:37
I don't think it's just not wanting to worry my T. I think it's knowing that if given plenty of leeway, that's probably all I'd talk about for sessions on end because I'm thinking about it so much. I just can't see those as very productive discussions and for the most part, they'd be total repeats of sessions we've had before.
Although it's also occurred to me more lately that I don't really want to be responsible for myself anymore - I want to be mothered - not by my T and I don't think even by my own mother - maybe a mythical mother. So maybe I'm feeling needy and just want some sympathy.
This has been a pretty long stretch for me - longer than I first realized because it took a retrospective view for me to see that I was there for awhile before I recognized what was going on.
My pdoc asked me the other day if I was really despairing and feeling hopeless. I don't think so because I'm not thinking very far ahead. I think what happens is that I'll feel in a lot of pain and then suddenly decide I can't bear it for much longer. If I think about it enough, I'll start thinking that I'm not going to make it, which is strange in and of itself because it's not like I have a timetable, or certain preconditions in mind. It's just that sometimes it seems inevitable and I don't react as negatively to the idea as I would at other times. All my thinking about this is pretty dispassionate.
mair
poster:mair
thread:493207
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050504/msgs/493797.html