Posted by fallsfall on April 20, 2005, at 7:43:02
In reply to Re: Isolating is sometimes best, posted by daisym on April 20, 2005, at 2:16:54
>Sometimes there is no energy to post,
*** This is what isolating is all about...
>OR, with me, I want to post 10,000 word essays about what I'm thinking or feeling or doing.
*** I'd read them...
>
> I think isolating, for me, is a way to look at how needy I've been and try to ease off.*** I would encourage you to try to look objectively at this "how needy" thing. I'm not sure that your "neediness" is as much out of line as you think it is (I was going to say "is out of line like you think it is", but I knew that you wouldn't be willing to consider the possibility that your neediness is not unreasonable).
>I don't think I know how to lean only a little bit. I seem to dump it all out there, on a few close friends, or keep it all in, with almost everyone else.
*** Ah, yes. I know this one, too. But when you are as practiced as you are in being strong, leaning at all is a new behavior. So, it takes a little practice to figure out how to do it in the way you want to. The pendulum is swinging, but it will stabilize - However, if you *stop* the pendulum, at one of its heights, it won't have a chance to stabilize.
>I'm also struggling with this idea of sharing the depth of my pain with my spouse and my best friends. My therapist is encouraging it, he applaudes it. So is that a message that he is getting tired of being so much support? I worry...
*** I know you worry. No, he is not tired of being so much support. But he knows (and you know) that it is good for you to get support from a variety of sources. That people in your real (and cyber...) life can appropriately fill some of your needs. That if people IRL (like your husband) know what is going on, that they can help you - even in ways that he can't. He is encouraging you to share with people IRL because you are strong enough to do a little (not a lot - let's not get too black and white here) of this, and it will help you. It has to do with progressing to the next level (i.e. getting support in real life) rather than trying to stop the current support you have. He will continue to support you, even when you have IRL support. He is NOT sick of you.
>
> It is also a way to stay numb. Being with people who care about me makes me aware that I want to be cared about. And I don't want to hurt them or disappoint them.*** Why would you wanting to be cared about hurt or disappoint someone else? Or ::gently:: do you not want to hurt or disappoint yourself if they don't care about you? (((Daisy)))
>I guess it is an old behavior to make yourself sort of disappear.*** But the world loves it when you are visible!!!
>
> Hard not to, you know?*** I know it is hard. Coming out of isolation is very difficult. Everything in your being tells you to stay hunkered down and protected. It is completely counter-intuitive to put yourself out there. But isolation is dangerous - particularly the part about not receiving other people's viewpoints. Hearing only our own voices can so easily spiral down into that big black pit. I want color for you - sanity marbles have color.
*** This post from you was reaching out of your isolation. Because you are (grudgingly) willing to hear alternative positions. I applaud you.
poster:fallsfall
thread:486336
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050420/msgs/486872.html