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Re: Isolating is sometimes best daisym

Posted by Tamar on April 20, 2005, at 3:42:07

In reply to Re: Isolating is sometimes best, posted by daisym on April 20, 2005, at 2:16:54

> I like all of your ideas, Falls, but I also agree with Dinah. Sometimes there is no energy to post, OR, with me, I want to post 10,000 word essays about what I'm thinking or feeling or doing.

Oh yes. I am familiar with the urge to post long essays. Sometimes I write the long essay anyway and then summarise it before posting. Writing it all down helps me a lot.

> I think isolating, for me, is a way to look at how needy I've been and try to ease off. I don't think I know how to lean only a little bit. I seem to dump it all out there, on a few close friends, or keep it all in, with almost everyone else. I'm also struggling with this idea of sharing the depth of my pain with my spouse and my best friends. My therapist is encouraging it, he applaudes it. So is that a message that he is getting tired of being so much support? I worry...

Keep talking to your T about it! I find it impossible to believe that he is tired of being so much support. If he encourages you to talk to your friends, it's probably because he thinks it will be easier for you in the long run if you are able to be yourself outside the therapy room. Not because he's getting tired or less able to offer you as much support as you need.

> It is also a way to stay numb. Being with people who care about me makes me aware that I want to be cared about. And I don't want to hurt them or disappoint them. I guess it is an old behavior to make yourself sort of disappear.
>
> Hard not to, you know?

Yes. It's hard to be visible. But staying invisible is painful too. Some days I just don't want to leave the house, even though I know I feel better if I get up and get out. And wanting to be cared about is hard too, especially if I'm afraid of rejection. I'm constantly amazed when my friends continue to care about me, even if I'm not feeling good. I guess that's what makes them friends!


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