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Re: Psychological holding crushedout

Posted by daisym on April 9, 2005, at 0:24:17

In reply to Psychological holding, posted by crushedout on April 8, 2005, at 15:01:08


You are really making me think! It is very hard to describe this, but you will know it when it happens. I think of it as a narrowing of the space, like it is just me and him, sort of frozen in a moment. It might be an emotionally intense moment of pain but more likely it is a shared moment of tender grief, after the storm, in those moments after a hard cry, in which you are spent and quiet.

It is feeling so completely accepted and understood that the very smallest nod of the head and the quiet, "I know" says it all. It is feeling safe in the silence without immediate need to break it.

The other time I feel it is when I'm struggling to describe something but I'm afraid to say it or I don't know how to say it, and I'll start to "go away" floating up to the ceiling or out the window. He'll say, very, very quietly, "please come back" or "it's ok to tell me" and I'll feel him making it safe for me to get it out.

Gosh, I'm still describing events, not feelings. But it is the best I can do. I agree with Dinah, way better than an actual hug. It is like one soul hugs another soul, it feels that deep.




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