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Oh fer cryin' out loud! SLS

Posted by Racer on April 4, 2005, at 12:55:16

In reply to Re: Why can't I apply it to myself? Racer, posted by SLS on April 3, 2005, at 22:07:07

>>I'm sorry. I go too far sometimes.

>>Never mind. I guess I'm beginning to cross some boundaries here.

Scott, please don't apologize. As far as I can tell, you ask these things because you care about me. (Don't disillusion me, 'K?) And I care about you. That gives you much broader boundaries in asking these things. Please continue to ask. As many of them as I feel comfortable answering, I will, when I know the answer. When I don't know the answer, I may meander around trying to work it out, though.

>>What do you think gets in the way of your shifting blame off yourself for those things that you had little or no control over?

I'm not sure. I know that, in a lot of individual situations where this comes up for me, someone else told me that it was my fault. Like the dean saying I "should" have done something different. (Finding my way to the highway and then hitch-hiking back to the City. Great advice for a 15 year old girl, huh?)

Some of it is just family influence: assigning blame is a favorite family pastime, you know. My aunt still engages in it when she comes to visit -- although I'm getting much better about saying that "N" word to her. There's also another family habit that I have to overcome that's all wrapped up in this: In my family, saying that you feel something isn't enough -- you have to JUSTIFY your feelings. If you can't explain *why* you feel something, and how some event may have damaged you, then you *don't* feel it. Oh, yeah -- and it's your "fault" for thinking that you did...

I know that that's part of it.

What's more, my aunt would tell you that, since I know recognize all that, I *should* be over it all now. As soon as you recognize a problem, after all, it should be solved, right? (I'm kinda laughing, you know. This has come up several times in her most recent visits. As I said, I'm a lot better now at NOT taking it all in, but it's a process. And, of course, I can set boundaries, but that doesn't say anything about others respecting them.)

(Fortunately, my aunt is great for practicing all this on. And, believe me, if I can set boundaries and defend them with her, I can take on the world.)

>>Don't should all over yourself.

>>Of course, it is your responsibity to know everything about how the Universe works so that you can be prepared for any situation that arises. If you should fail, it must therefore be your fault. You probably didn't do your homework. Age is no excuse.

This cracked me up. Thank you for the smile.

With much affection for you, my friend. Thank you.




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