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Re: Tough Times, trigger daisym

Posted by Shortelise on March 29, 2005, at 12:18:07

In reply to Tough Times, trigger, posted by daisym on March 28, 2005, at 23:57:40

Daisy, this sounds so horribly painful. I am so sorry.

Anger, eh? It occurs to me that it's again part of the fight or flight thing, sometimes the reaction is anxiety, sometimes it's anger.

I think you have every right to be angry. If it were me, I'd express that anger. When I went through a period of intense anger in therapy, anger that was directed at my T, poor thing, I walked. Yes, I know, I always suggest walking, but in this case, I POUNDED the sidewalk. I went for walk/runs, steeped in anger, letting it flood through me, using the energy it gave me - all that pent-up, putrifying fury - to walk/run/stomp. It felt great! If I played tennis, I might have done that; skied, whatever- I would have had to have done something like that.

It was like poison in my veins, and my husband and I would talk, I would tell him how angry I felt and why, and he would listen to me, let me yell, because I wasn't yelling at him, I was just emoting.

And it went away. I fought my way through it, was lucky enough to find some ways of dealing with it that weren't hurtful to me or others, and it went away. Not because I am a terribly evolved person, not only because I worked it through in therapy, which I did. But also because I let it out of my body. There is so much hurt and anger and sadness that build up in us - lord, I sound like some kind of nut. Ok, I am some kind of nut!

Daisy, you could tell your kids not to worry, that Mommy is in a nasty mood right now but she loves them and is not mad at them and it's not their fault, but Mommy is the Grinch for the next little while. I'd want to hear that - I do hear that from my husband when he is in a lousy mood and has the sense to explain that he's upset about something.

Last week I was digging a hole in the garden to plant a rose bush, and I found myself thinking about someone I am angry with, and I dug that hole in no time at all!

Daisy, move. Run, do aerobics, go dancing, do anything to try to vent the anger in healthy way. I truly believe that when we can physically relieve ourselves of stuff we have carried around for so long, it really helps us digest it mentally. I so very strongly believe that. And it's way better than suicide, don't you think?

Today I'd be your wailing wall, or rather, your shouting wall. Hard but porous, you could fling all of that anger at me, and I'd absorb it.





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