Posted by Skittles on March 8, 2005, at 19:13:39
In reply to Re: The mother, therapy, etc. » Skittles, posted by antigua on March 7, 2005, at 15:29:02
My appointment Monday did not go well. Nothing bad happened, but I just couldn't talk. She sat quietly with me for over half an hour and I was completely mute - I mean completely. The words just wouldn't come. Then she told me that she's going to be out of town all next week and the Monday following. She apologized for not telling me sooner and promised that she'd be back. I just nodded. Then I told her I was ready to leave - like 15 minutes early. I've never done that before. But I couldn't feel her inside anywhere. She's gone. In fact, I can't even picture what she looks like anymore. I just feel numb. If one could be dead while still living, this HAS to be what it would feel like. I've never felt so much nothingness before.
So this leaves me in a quandry over my appointment for Thursday. I don't know whether or not I should go. A repeat of Monday's appointment would be a waste of money for me and a waste of time for the both of us. But if I was able to let her back in a little, I'm afraid that would be the result of something big and emotional. I'm not sure I want to risk opening something like that up when I'm looking at missing 3 appointments. Plus, as it stands right now, I don't care that she's going to be gone. I can't believe I'm typing this, but I just don't care one bit. If she's back inside, even a little bit, I know I'd miss her like crazy. But then halfway through I'd lose the connection (b/c I'm so bad at hanging onto it) and be right back where I am now!
What do you think I should do??
poster:Skittles
thread:467306
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050305/msgs/468416.html