Posted by mair on February 4, 2005, at 12:43:04
In reply to panic, hate, need help, posted by bent on February 4, 2005, at 12:21:25
bent - I don't know why this came up in my therapy session today, but my therapist was telling me about a conference she went to where it was posited that there are 2 dynamics that can particularly derail therapy if they are not brought out into the open and discussed. One is projection. The other (and this surprised me) is a client's envy of a therapist. Envy of a T's life; envy of a T's children, envy of a t's friends etc. She said it's not at all unusual for the envy to become angry envy as in anger that the T doesn't care about the client because the T has this otherwise fulfilling life. She said it tends to be more acute when the T and client are of the same gender and maybe have other things in common.
I think she was bringing it up just to try to flush it out if it is there, and to let me know that if it is there, it's ok and I need to feel comfortable talking about it. I look at my T's life (she would say an idealized view of her life) and sometimes feel inadequate which is not quite the same. If it is, it's not angry envy. So this is one bullet I get to dodge (projection is another story altogether).
I know you're upset with your reaction and that you don't want to have to go back and tell her about it. But it sounds to me that what you're describing is not at all unusual and that your T should be able to help you sort through some of this. It also sounds like something your T would want you to talk about.
Maybe your T didn't see you, but even if she didn't, I'd encourage you to talk about it anyway. If anything, it'll make the next encounter less traumatic.