Posted by 10derHeart on February 3, 2005, at 12:40:51
In reply to To Tell or Not to Tell New T.(long), posted by 10derHeart on January 31, 2005, at 17:56:25
My session yesterday went really well. I managed to tell T. several things I didn't think I could get out. Not so much what I posted about here, but other important stuff. I didn't tell about the past driving-by episodes with old T. yet. But, I hinted around it, and he knows there's something I'm working on telling.
He was good about everything. Sort of struck a nice balance between being passive and then pushing some. I thought it was interesting when at one point - after I think I'd been crying off and on and struggling with why these "toddler- needs" (my silly expression) have to feel so shameful and so forth - he abruptly said, "How difficult would you like me to make it for you?"
Totally missing the meaning, I asked him what "it" was. He answered "this session." Now that may sound weird, or even bad, but for me it was quite satisfying. It meant he sees I am probably ready for some intense stuff (which I am), yet still respectfully gave me a choice as to timing. It also felt like he was showing me that he can be proactive, can be less the "let's have the client direct every second of the session" therapist I've seen so far. I liked that. My answer was to make it as difficult as he liked, and I'd complain if it went too far.
We had some needed conversation about former T., too, which will really help from now on. Another positive sign of him "getting" me was that he made a reference to the fact I probably found it extrememly comforting and wonderful - the way former T. looked at me. That's absolutely correct, BUT, I was utterly surprised because I've NEVER said a word about how former T. looked at me. Ever. (To be sure, I asked, and he agreed I'd never said it - even checked over some brief notes from earlier sessions) So, he could "fill that in" from my other descriptions of our relationship. For me, that kind of empathy and listening skill inspires confidence.
Wish I'd written in my journal afterwards, because we did start some deeper work than ever before, but alas - I can't remember the darn specifics :( I hate that. But the overall emotional state was very good. I'm encouraged and calmer.
I feel very blessed - to have found this T., to still know my old T., and for each and every Babbler. :) - 10der