Posted by alexandra_k on December 17, 2004, at 17:31:18
In reply to Re: But then its back to nothing. » alexandra_k, posted by fallsfall on December 17, 2004, at 17:01:13
Thanks falls. I have talked to him about many things that have been upsetting to me in our interaction. He agreed that those things were unacceptable and he promised they would not happen again. But they keep happening. Every week there is something, or even a couple of things. I think that we both agree that there are good reasons for my being upset with him. But we seem to be on a cycle of broken promises and apologies and that is not doing me any good because I have to mentally prepare for the worst case all the time and so when I am with him I am numb. I have also learned not to believe his promises anymore.
I am a lot more upset with him then someone would be who didn't have my upbringing, to be sure. But I figure nobody responds too well to this stuff.
I think that my biggest mistake is in putting up with it, to tell you the truth. Because however people treat me it is better than being alone. When I was little I thought my dad was just god because he didn't hit me or yell at me and he always seemed soft and gentle with me. But he didn't care about me, he was just too wrapped up in himself to even be bothered talking to me, and he was too afraid to stick up for himself (and never mind me) to my mother. I came to realise that he is really a weak and avoidant individual. I don't judge him for that, I have those tendancies myself... I figure it is probably transference that has me stay in my current relationship with my t.
I just wrote him.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:427911
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041210/msgs/430982.html