Posted by 10derheart on December 17, 2004, at 1:53:30
In reply to Re: Backsliding(way- too long), posted by messadivoce on December 16, 2004, at 20:24:52
Thanks a bunch, Voce. You write so well. I always *get* you right away, and that's nice :) I knew you would empathize.
You are right about the healing, I know. I can tell from the nature of the tears I cried today. These are the kind where layers of you are being burned off, and new things uncovered. Like steel is tempered by fire. Or a blob of glass is skillfully blown into a gorgeous creation. At least that's the way I like to think of the *temperature* of the pain, once I calm down some. Images that turn it into an ultimate positive thing comfort me somewhat.
You know, it was really no big deal and in fact I had other things to do when he cancelled the session. The reason it was fine was I completely trusted he'd call back within hours. That's not really like me in these situations. So I have grown and learned from old T' that it's reasonable to trust some people after seeing their behavior. Good for me. It was when today came and went (oops, that was yesterday now - can't sleep) that I lost it. All part of my same, deep issue about important people pulling the rug out from under me for the past 26 years, and maybe earlier times I can't recall. And some real tranference, which I explained in my response to Falls. I guess I am worried because I've lost the connection with some friends over the next two weeks, old T. is taking some amount of time off (at least one week) and if new T. is really ill....yikes. Instability is not my favorite thing. Not anyone's, I guess.
Appreciate the great words about me and my old T. As you've heard (probably ad nauseum) from my other posts, he is something special. I do feel a lot more grounded now after all the Babble support.
Hey, didn't you see your T. today? Did that go okay,if you feel like saying? Hope you felt less battered over the head. I've had that with an "in-between" therapist (4 sessions) and I really couldn't take it. But she was a poor fit and had her own issues. I'm sure yours is going to get better all the time. Just concerned for you from your recent post. Take care.
poster:10derheart
thread:430452
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041210/msgs/430637.html