Posted by fallsfall on December 14, 2004, at 22:09:11
In reply to Having a Tantrum, posted by Daisym on December 14, 2004, at 21:35:36
(((Daisy)))
You want your own safe place. Of course you do. You weren't sure if it would feel bad to wait with them, but it *does* feel bad. That is really OK. There is nothing wrong with it feeling bad. You don't have to feel guilty about that. It just *is*.
And you don't have to "handle" it. Your therapist has said that *he* will make it so you don't have to handle it. And he will. He is very good at finding ways to fit you in, I'm sure he can fit you in so you don't have to wait with them. Or you can wait in the hall (except the communal wall may make it so you really can't have the same appointment time).
You told him all about the situation before it started. He'll talk to his wife and if they don't think they can keep you all separate then YOUR FRIEND will see someone else.
This is managable. You are not being unreasonable or even unexpected.
This reminds me a lot of how I make decisions sometimes. I'll flip a coin - heads means yes, tails means no. When the coin hits the floor (because I'm not usually coordinated enough to catch it mid-air...) I look to see if it is heads or tails. Then I check my reaction. If I am happy with the way it landed, then I go with whatever came up. If I'm disappointed or scared or somehow wishing that it landed the other way, then I do the opposite of whatever came up. The trick is that I convince myself that I'll follow what the coin says - and that lets me know how I really feel about it. Then I go with my feelings.
You didn't know if it would bother you to have them nearby. So you tried it. Now you know. Now you can proceed with the knowledge that it *does* bother you. This is do-able.
"But Falls, I had a 2 year old temper tantrum!!!" she laments with great shame in her voice...
I'm glad that you have a place where you feel free enough to let your real feelings out. Your therapist is glad to know how you really feel about it. Being honest about how you feel is a wonderful thing. Because now *you* know how you feel about it. And your therapist knows how you feel about it. And you can both look at how you feel and understand you better. And decide if there are things that you want to work on so that you won't feel so devistated. This is incredibly valuable information for you to have. And *I'm* really glad that you were able to get it out in the open.
So, should you be embarassed by the temper tantrum? No - because it was in your therapist's office and he has *ASKED* you to be emotionally honest with him. If you had the tantrum in the grocery store, or at work, then maybe you should be embarassed - but you didn't. Different behaviors are acceptable in different circumstances (i.e. please take your clothes off before stepping into the shower, but don't take your clothes off before stepping into the pew at church). This behavior is acceptable in his office - almost even encouraged, because it is an honest portrayal of your emotions.
Now... "I NEVER have my own safe place, I ALWAYS have to do the right thing and share or make nice and I DIDN'T WANT TO!!!" I am SOOO glad to hear you say this. There *ARE* times when Daisy can/should/must come first. When Daisy should get what she wants even though everyone else wants something else. You *DESERVE* to be first sometimes (not all the time, but SOMEtimes). When something is important to you, you deserve to get it. You haven't been getting anything - because you always are taking care of other people. Most of the time the other people don't even know that you want something - because you don't feel like you *deserve* it?? In this case you are saying "I want this. I want this even if it inconveniences other people. This is one of those times when Daisy needs to come first". That is a wonderful thing for you to say. And what was your therapist's reaction? Did he say "Daisy, you are being ridiculous and selfish"? Did he say "Why should you get what you want since it will inconvenience other people"? Did he say "There is no reason you can't sit in the waiting room with them"?
No. He said "I can understand why you are upset. You deserve to have your own safe place, and I'll make sure that you can have your own safe place." Let him take care of you.
poster:fallsfall
thread:429684
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041210/msgs/429703.html