Posted by Daisym on December 14, 2004, at 21:35:36
I'm sitting here OH SO UPSET at what happened at my session today. Actually, it happened before my session.
A colleague and close friend had a crisis last week with her teen daughter. The daughter was in an accident last year, suffered a head trauma and has some lasting effects from it. More importantly, this young woman is suffering great emotional pain. She doesn't think she was supposed to live. Her mother (my friend) found out she was cutting, etc. So her Mom seeks out mental healthcare, as any of us would. Turns out she has selected a partner of my therapist for her daughter. AND, this therapist is recommending my therapist's wife to do family therapy for them all. (Need a score card, I know.) My friend tells me this last week, after her daughter's first appointment. She starts the conversations with, "Hey, I saw "your therapist" yesterday." Then she explains the whole deal.
I feel a little weird about it, but my friend obviously knows I'm going to counseling and I do want her to be working with a great team. And it isn't my therapist. I told my therapist about all of this on Friday. He was much more concerned than I was, especially about the link between my friend and I and he and his wife. I tell him it is OK, it has nothing to do with me, etc. etc. He is very hesitant but tells me to think about it over the weekend. It didn't come up on Monday, but we were in the "other" office.
This evening I went for my appointment, and yup, you guessed it, they were in the waiting room. We said "hi" and we only had to wait together for about 3 minutes before my therapist came to get me. He knew immediately something was wrong because I sort of slid into the couch and hid behind a cushion. I told him what happened and said I was really upset, even though I thought I shouldn't be upset. I just couldn't help it. I felt so invaded. They were in the office right next door, with an adjoining wall! He was completely understanding and sympathetic, and wanted to talk it out. I tried, but I just couldn't. So we moved on to other things. Or at least he did. I couldn't stay engaged, I couldn't keep my mind in our room. I kept thinking, "how am I going to leave without running into them?"
About 15 minutes before time was up, he noted I had gone quiet. He brought back up the waiting room and I burst into tears and had a tantrum like a 2 year old. I NEVER have my own safe place, I ALWAYS have to do the right thing and share or make nice and I DIDN'T WANT TO!!! And then I sobbed and sobbed.
He said it was OK, he would feel exactly the same way. That he wanted me to feel safe and protected when I came to see him and it was MY time and MY space. And he said he would fix it to make sure it didn't happen again, by scheduling me in when they wouldn't be there. If I wasn't comfortable asking my friend, he would ask his colleagues. And he let me stay a little longer so I could perhaps avoid them. I didn't see them on the way out, which is good, because my eyes were red.
Now I feel completely upset and totally selfish. I want to call him very badly and I don't even know why. This really stinks. Someone tell me how to manage these feelings. What did Dinah say? "I need a grown up to tell me what to do."
(very sad smile)
poster:Daisym
thread:429684
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041210/msgs/429684.html