Posted by daisym on October 21, 2004, at 1:29:28
In reply to Re: It's raining, inside and out (trigger potential), posted by mandinka on October 21, 2004, at 0:23:49
Part of me wants to apologize that you wasted part of your precious therapy time on me...I hope you got something out of it too!
I have heard the anger discussion a number of times. I just don't feel it. Maybe it isn't time, maybe I'm so far under anger that I need to feel better in order to get angry. I feel outrage sometimes, usually for my siblings. Go figure.
We've talked about the control aspects of this and what, as a young girl, I might have needed to think to survive it all. So I think you could be right on there. But as far as feeling "bad", that illusion is part and parcel with the rest of this. I'll echo Poet, the bad stuff is so much easier to believe than the good stuff. And it is unthinkable that your parents could be "bad" so it had to be you, right? Again, my head and gut don't match. What I "know" and what I feel are very different. Which is probably why I exiled my feelings for 20+ years.
I'm trying to believe what you said. I'm trying to create that list and letter. It is pretty hard. I'm trying to believe that this will get better and there is an end in site. I want to earn my therapist's unconditional positive regard. :) Maybe I just want a hug. *sigh*
Daisy
poster:daisym
thread:405006
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041016/msgs/405365.html