Posted by Klokka on September 19, 2004, at 16:28:32
In reply to Re: Rough session (long) » Klokka, posted by Pfinstegg on September 18, 2004, at 16:42:42
I think I'll have to wait a few weeks to see if that's the case. Though the outside support thing isn't too promising... apart from Babble, it's a bit hard to find. My teachers and many friends and adults at church are understanding and willing to do a little to help... but it isn't much. I don't know that there are other options - due to the health system where I live, the clinic where I see my pdoc is the only place which will treat me before I turn 18. He may be the only English-speaking pdoc in that clinic, too, but I can't know this. To be fair, though, there were moments in the session where he was a bit gentler, only of course that's not what stood out to be. And, of course, those were the times when I turned around and told him he was wrong, lying, etc.
It's so hard to tell what's going on. At one point he told me "You're not allowed to harm yourself or hate yourself... you're only allowed to hate me here. I can handle it," and I responded with, "Well, if only it worked that way!" I remember trying it out in my head before responding, and then thinking that somehow I couldn't, even if I really were justified, because how could I hate someone who put up with all of my junk? I'm not even sure I understand why that is, really. (Another thing to add to the list of things to bring up!)
I think I'm willing to look at it as a one-time problem if he makes adjustments once I tell him how horribly the session affected me. Given that a session like that on a day when I had nothing positive to do (youth group this Friday was mercifully just what I needed) could put me in danger, I don't think it would be terribly ethical of him to continue exactly as he is. Maybe what I'm feeling is, as he said, a bit inevitable given that we're dealing with topics that I can't really tolerate facing at the moment, but I'm sure even little things like a slight change in pace, time to relax at the end of a session, and a plan in case I really did feel overwhelmed after I left would make it so much more bearable. He's been pretty flexible in the past - something I often neglect to give him credit for - so hopefully it won't be an issue, but I will keep an eye out over the next few sessions.
poster:Klokka
thread:392325
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040918/msgs/392690.html