Posted by gardenergirl on September 19, 2004, at 13:19:08
In reply to Rough session (long), posted by Klokka on September 18, 2004, at 13:17:45
Klokka,
I agree with (was it ShortE?) that it definitely appears that you are well engaged in your therapy, and that is good. I want to share some things I noticed about your situation and things I have learned in my albeit brief experience on both sides of the couch so far.Also, I think it's really wise and adaptive of you to be processing this, both on your own in your head...(I assume you are)..and here on Babble. I think that also shows how invested you are. I continue to be in awe of that given your age, and I wish I could have had the strength to face my fears when I was your age. Good for you!
First, I think some T's and perhaps pdocs do get caught up in trying to go too fast. I found myself doing this with my clients, especially when I would get a new one to add to the ones I've been seeing for awhile. It seems like I often would initially try to go too fast with the new client because I was so used to being in the mode with the others. I had to learn to recognize that feeling and back off. My supervisor at the time, someone with decades of experience and who is CBT focused, said he ALWAYS feels himself wanting to hurry things up. I wonder if that comes from the experience and the illusion of the knowledge of where things might be going, so hurry up and get there? Just a thought. So your pdoc may be feeling that pressure, especially given your concerns about what happens when you turn 18.
I also learned both through experience and at a workshop I attended just yesterday (what a coinkydink :) that sometimes the most important interpretations or information from a T can cause the strongest reaction from the client. I remember a client who said something along the lines of "Dang it!" when I was lucky enough to hit on a particularly significant interpretation. She was just kind of floored and mad. It was hard for her to explain. I also remember frequently calling my T "evil" in the beginning because he was so good at pulling out my stuff.
So, your pdoc admitted he is pushing you, and you are responding like anyone being pushed might. By getting uncomfortable, resisting at times, questioning the relationship, and feeling stymied. Remember he said he was doing this intentionally. If your trust in him is strong (and whether it is or not is no judgement on you...it just is what it is...) you might consider just going with it for awhile and seeing how it feels. You can also share with him how it feels. I suspect he would really appreciate that, and it may even be what he is going for. You can also ask him to go slower or back off some if it is just too hard. I know I've asked that at times when therapy felt too intense for me to contain with other situational stressors going on in my life.
Last, about him forgetting to bring stuff in. I admit I am SO guilty of this! I would get this idea in a session, but often it would be kind of fleeting, and I would remmember more of the client's part of the session than what I said. If I didn't make myself a specifc reminder note to follow up on something I said, I often forgot. (yuck!) I also admit I didn't realize the effect this might have on clients. I guess because it just felt like an idea flash to me, and IRL I don't follow up on every idea flash I have, it felt okay to me to not do it. But the client hears it as something you intend to do, so I had to really work at that. I finally created a therapy notebook and would put stuff in it with sticky notes to remind me to give it to client. I carried that thing around to every client's session, eventually.
Anyway, I know I am reacting to your post more from your pdoc's end of the couch. I hope this has been somewhat helpful. But I also know that feeling like you don't understand or perhaps don't like what your T is doing is not a pleasant feeling at all.
(((klokka)))
poster:gardenergirl
thread:392325
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040918/msgs/392622.html