Posted by Susan47 on September 9, 2004, at 20:25:42
In reply to Re: God I hurt...., posted by shrinking violet on September 9, 2004, at 18:06:58
I phoned and he answered; many times it's his machine; I just wanted to hear his voice. He has this voice that's something I could die with in my ear, d'you know what I mean? I mean, it's so *alive* and soothing and emotional (although I know he tries to be as steady as a brick; I read things into his voice on purpose because it excites me, it makes me feel happy and alive). I know, I'm weird.
I've written him a good-bye and thank-you letter a couple weeks ago and I just couldn't do that again. Honestly, I have nothing to say to him that he doesn't already know I'm sure. And if I'm not paying him for his time, it's not fair either. Definitely I don't think it's fair; he's in business and I'd be taking his time. It's bad enough that I phone and leave messages; now with the new *options* on his line I can at least say something, listen to it, and erase before I hang up (did this last night and it was comforting, and I hated the way I sound anyway so I'm glad he doesn't have to listen to my voice anymore).
Sometimes when I think about the burden I am, I'm filled with self-loathing but I just can't afford to feel that way so mostly I try to ignore my emotional neediness. I love that you all are here; you can read or not, you choose; it's a real comfort to me.
poster:Susan47
thread:388716
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040905/msgs/388939.html