Posted by Dinah on August 21, 2004, at 10:34:18
My therapist and I were talking about it. He seems to think that being genuine is a worthwhile goal in itself. I'm beginning to lose faith that that is true.
The real me has a fair number of borderline tendencies, if I want to use a shorthand to describe myself. My therapist agrees. Not that I meet the criteria for diagnosis, but that I have a lot of tendencies. An intense fear of abandonment, high reactivity with slow return to baseline, a tendency to act out, with SI being a prime example.
I discovered almost thirty years ago that my real self wasn't going to get me what I wanted. I created Dinah Who Is As She Should Be. No one really cared that I was fake, anymore than people care when I emotionally divorce them. I act fine, and that's what matters to others. So the fake Dinah gets along just fine. Does what she should do, acts towards others as she should act. And if the fake Dinah has a limited range of emotions, that limits pain as well as joy.
So what is the benefit in being genuine? If other people like me better fake and superficial, and it hurts less being fake and superficial, does being genuine serve any purpose whatsoever? Does the real me have any value at all?
poster:Dinah
thread:380351
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040821/msgs/380351.html