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Re: A question please? For any/every one » Larry Hoover

Posted by gardenergirl on September 2, 2004, at 8:21:35

In reply to Re: A question please? For any/every one » Dinah, posted by Larry Hoover on September 2, 2004, at 7:14:22

Wow, Lar. I think we are twins. So much of what you talk about regarding childhood and its effect really rang true for me. Thanks for additional insights.
> By that, you mean you were the fixer? Or the emotional punching-bag? I like family dynamic theory, and your own assessment of your role is the key to unlocking your emotions, if you wish to proceed. When I read "Bradshaw on: The Family", it totally unlocked my mind to the role I played in my family dysfunction. As second-born, I was the emotional scapegoat. All the negativity, all the blame, was mine. That's what makes me so conscious of rules. I so desparately needed to figure out the rules, as a child, but there were none.

I was the second born, too, although these days, most people assume I am the oldest because my older brother is 40 going on 16. But I was the emotional scapegoad, too, probably because of my sensitivity. And rules...don't get me started. Rules set by an alcoholic and enforced by a narcissist...crazy-making! I'm such a rules-follower--except for parking :).
>
> Aside: One of the things that makes me a really good scientist is this ability. "What's wrong with this picture?" I recognize patterns, and things that don't fit the pattern, like they were fluorescent. A sucky childhood isn't all bad.

Wow, I have this ability, too, but others see it as a negative. I'm great at pointing out what doesn't fit a pattern or anticipating problems. Doesn't necessarily make me negative, I don't think. I think it pays to think ahead about consequences and avoid disasters. Hmmm, childhood disasters???
>
>
> To me, therapy is like cleaning that pile out from under the rug. All that mess and dirt....Yucko!!! But you can't enjoy the beauty of the rug until after the yuck is taken care of. You face the yuck so you can get back to the carefree beauty of life.

What a great metaphor! I tend to sweep projects under the rug, too, when they get overwhelming. Dissertations make huge bulges!
>
> That's a decision you can change. I grew up with "The Myth of the Perfect Person". It didn't matter how well I did something, there was always a flaw. Well, I *am so* good enough!

Oh I know this myth well. Even into my 30's when I went back to school, my father asked about my grades and chastised me for getting one B. That was a real eye-opener.

Thanks, Lar. Great words!

gg

 

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poster:gardenergirl thread:380351
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