Posted by lucy stone on August 4, 2004, at 15:33:47
In reply to Re: amazingly strong!, posted by JenStar on August 4, 2004, at 2:09:55
But what are people after? Some people come here just for support, they have no where in their real lives to get it. Sometimes they just need to vent, to tell their story to people who will try and understand and respond in a non-judgemental manner. Many of the things people post here are extremely private, things they don't tell even to their spouse or their Ts. These people may not be looking for advice on how to fix their issues, they may just be looking for understanding. If people are looking for advice this is a great place to get it, but I think it is insensitive to offer advice to people who aren't looking for it. It may be hard to distinguish who is looking for support and who is looking for advice, but I always try and err on the side of support. Some of the behaviors people have here are chronic and people are repeating them over and over again. Some behaviors are deeply embedded and difficult to get rid of, and I doubt that they can be fixed by advice on an internet message board. Of course, many of the people here are working on those behaviors in therapy and many are making progress, however slow it may seem to someone looking in from the outside.
> I agree with you in some ways - the web is a great place to receive mutual support and affection. There ARE a lot of interesting and supportive people here!
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> But I also think that boards like babble (and others) can encourage a 'group mentality' to arise, a shared 'we suffer so, and we can't really be fixed' mentality that encourages people not to take charge of their lives and make better decisions.
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> People write about bad decisions and difficult problems, are are met with understanding. Sometimes, too MUCH understanding! It's easy to say soothing words, not so easy to offer constructive criticism, and I think we sometimes offer each other a 'everything is OK, do what you want' attitude instead of offering real-life advice on how to really fix issues.
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> Sometimes that is all a person wants -- some soothing -- and then fully intends to go fix problems on their own after getting some TLC.
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> But from what I read here, the problems are often chronic in nature, and the behaviors repeat over and over again. sometimes I think it's not so healthy to read about this too much, because it makes some of the bad decisions seem OK -- and I don't want that.
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> There is also the chronic undertone of ultra-reliance on therapists that I just think is unhealthy. (Of course, the answer to me would be: If it's unhealthy for you, then stay away!)
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> I can fully understand how some therapists would read this board and advise certain people to stay away and find other places to get support.
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> Anyway, I know that was a mouthful. I DO like Babble...I just need to set limits for myself on how much I read & participate.
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> Good luck to all!
> JenStar
>
poster:lucy stone
thread:372818
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040728/msgs/374078.html