Posted by Klokka on July 27, 2004, at 21:02:32
In reply to Re: Preparing for a longish break » Klokka, posted by gardenergirl on July 27, 2004, at 8:58:44
Yeah, I'm hoping that writing about it will put it out of my mind until he's back so that I can deal with it more safely. I'll probably give him the gist of things anyway, but it's just not a good time to get too into it.
When is your session on Thursday? Mine's at 11 Eastern. No doubt I'll be back on here to whine within a couple of hours! It does help to post - I'm still a bit unused to things and uncomfortable, but this place has been great for support.
I still have to think about the therapist covering for him. I guess it really depends on the severity of whatever's going on - if it's light, there's little point in calling, but really painful stuff might also be too personal to share with a relative stranger. I'd probably feel better about it if I had something scheduled, but I'm only supposed to call if there are any problems.
Well, there's one more day to plan, and I'm really starting to get nervous. It's been another rough day, and I'm trying to figure out whether it's the stress that's getting to me or just plain SAD. (I notice that I tend to feel really awful and out of control some of the time around this time of year.) It might just be the topics in therapy, too... Either way, I've been struggling with my relationships with others and whether I'm really worth being in them, this fear I have that I'll fail at absolutely everything someday, and recent events with friends and family have left me feeling myself to be something of a completely worthless, unlovable circus freak. And then THAT makes me feel worse about my pdoc leaving, because (apart from posting on message boards, because then people can freely choose to read and/or reply) I can always tell myself that it's his job to put up with me, that I don't need to be beneficial to him in any way... but friendships aren't so easy. I haven't been stable these past few days, either, and I don't know whether to bring it up. I fear he'll think me manipulative, and he can't do a thing to help me now, anyway. I guess I'll tell him all the same, but it feels so pointless.
I hadn't expected to write such a long post! I guess I'm off to go write whatever it is that I need to write then, and hopefully get a good night's sleep. Three hours just isn't enough.
poster:Klokka
thread:370949
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040723/msgs/371404.html