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Re: Another analogy for hubby pegasus

Posted by All Done on June 1, 2004, at 15:56:53

In reply to Re: Another analogy for hubby, posted by pegasus on May 29, 2004, at 22:53:41

> All Done, I'm so sorry to hear about your situation with your T! That totally stinks! At least you were honest enough to say "crap" when he told you about it. When my T told me he was moving, I just said oh, well, I've been doing a lot better anyway. I'll be ok. But that was a lie.
>
> The thing that you keep saying that really sticks with me is how you are thinking this is *your* therapy, so why do you feel like you need *him* in particular as a therapist? I can answer that! Therapy doesn't work by just you talking about certain things. I mean, if that were true, you could buy a book about what to talk about, and then just talk to yourself, or a friend, or your dog, right? Therapy works through the relationship we build with another person. An effective therapeutic relationship has particular qualities that make it possible to talk about the difficult stuff and get a response that is healing to us. Part of that recipe is the familiarity and comfort that only comes when we've spent a certain amount of time with someone. And when they are the right type of person to hold our particular brand of suffering in a way that is helpful to us.
>
> So, the time spent with a particular therapist means a lot to this process. You can transfer to a new therapist, and you'll take the skills you've been developing with you. But you'll be leaving the familiarity and comfort, and a person whose style works for you. And that's worth a lot! If you leave this T, you'll need time to develop a relationship like the one you have now. And you'll need to find someone that fits you well, like this T does.
>
> Do you think that your husband has noticed any positive changes in you in the time that you've been working with this T? If so, you might try explaining to him that if you switch to a new T, you might be sacrificing some of those gains for a while, until you can find another good T and build a relationship with them. If your husband cares about you, and can see that therapy is helping, maybe he'll not want to see you go through that. Just a thought. If he's blind to the benefits of therapy, then I guess this wouldn't work.
>
> many hugs and wishes for things to work out well.
>
> pegasus

Wow! Thanks, pegasus. I really appreciate your post. I believe you flipped the switch to turn on the light bulb over my head. I really like what you say about getting the response that is healing to me. I imagine it took my therapist some time to determine what "works" with me and he is probably still learning as my story unfolds. I would hate to have to start that process over again.

I haven't discussed with my husband whether he's noticed any positive changes in me since I started therapy. At the very least, though, he must notice that I don't cry on his shoulder quite as much as before. Well, maybe not for quite as long each time ;).

Thank you so much for taking the time to post to me. Your words really hit home.

I'm still going to try and talk to my dog, though ;).

Take care,
Laurie


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