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Re: Another analogy for hubby

Posted by pegasus on May 29, 2004, at 22:53:41

In reply to Re: Another analogy for hubby Racer, posted by All Done on May 28, 2004, at 1:29:36

All Done, I'm so sorry to hear about your situation with your T! That totally stinks! At least you were honest enough to say "crap" when he told you about it. When my T told me he was moving, I just said oh, well, I've been doing a lot better anyway. I'll be ok. But that was a lie.

The thing that you keep saying that really sticks with me is how you are thinking this is *your* therapy, so why do you feel like you need *him* in particular as a therapist? I can answer that! Therapy doesn't work by just you talking about certain things. I mean, if that were true, you could buy a book about what to talk about, and then just talk to yourself, or a friend, or your dog, right? Therapy works through the relationship we build with another person. An effective therapeutic relationship has particular qualities that make it possible to talk about the difficult stuff and get a response that is healing to us. Part of that recipe is the familiarity and comfort that only comes when we've spent a certain amount of time with someone. And when they are the right type of person to hold our particular brand of suffering in a way that is helpful to us.

So, the time spent with a particular therapist means a lot to this process. You can transfer to a new therapist, and you'll take the skills you've been developing with you. But you'll be leaving the familiarity and comfort, and a person whose style works for you. And that's worth a lot! If you leave this T, you'll need time to develop a relationship like the one you have now. And you'll need to find someone that fits you well, like this T does.

Do you think that your husband has noticed any positive changes in you in the time that you've been working with this T? If so, you might try explaining to him that if you switch to a new T, you might be sacrificing some of those gains for a while, until you can find another good T and build a relationship with them. If your husband cares about you, and can see that therapy is helping, maybe he'll not want to see you go through that. Just a thought. If he's blind to the benefits of therapy, then I guess this wouldn't work.

many hugs and wishes for things to work out well.

pegasus

 

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