Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
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2 scoops, extra whipped cream and a cherry, please

Posted by All Done on May 26, 2004, at 0:51:16

I donít know why Iíve been hesitating to post about this, but I have. Itís just been so hard to even think about much less write about, I guess. So, here it goes.

On Saturday, my session with my T started out like this:

T: I want to let you know Iíll be absent next Saturday over the holiday weekend.

AD: No problem. I was going to ask if you would be taking the day off.

AD thinking: (Crap. Two out of four sessions cancelled. :()

(Silent pause)

T: Thereís something else I want to let you know.

AD: (Crap. Dread sets in rather quickly. I feel like some sort of termination speech is coming.)

T: Iím leaving this clinic in early August and will be at my private practice only.

(This means insurance wonít cover my visits.)

(Silent pause)

(I start crying.)

AD: Crap.

T: Can you tell me more about that Ė ďcrapĒ?

(I may have rolled my eyes at this point. Oops. I wonder if I should have congratulated him. I didnít :()

It was a very difficult session. At first I told him I didnít want to talk about it. So, he tried to direct the discussion elsewhere, but I kept crying even when we were talking about things I shouldn't cry about. I couldn't focus on anything. He was talking more than usual because I clammed up. I asked him why should I discuss anything with him if I wonít be able to continue to see him?

He said he works out payment arrangements with other clients, but I immediately blew that off by telling him ďmy husband and I make enough money. We should be able to afford it.Ē (I feel like I donít want him to have to make any concessions for me. We do make a decent living, but we have a ton of credit card bills Ė our own fault, not my Tís, you know?) But I did ask him (jokingly) if he would tell my husband. Later, he said we could actually discuss the option of having him talk to my hubby.

Unfortunately, my husband, while he *says* he is trying to work it into our budget, is quite resistant to the idea of me paying the full rate when I could ďjust see another T that is covered by insurance.Ē HA! He understands I need therapy, but he really doesnít understand that I need it with *my* T. I even explained that perhaps I can work out a sliding scale fee with my T, but he doesnít want me to pay more than the $25 copay I have been paying.

Iím feeling like Iím being a burden on my husband. Heís getting frustrated the minute I even bring the subject up so I feel like I canít even be sad about this around him. But Iím switching between wanting to cry and wanting to puke.

Iíve been in therapy for almost one year and I still donít understand this. Why canít I just switch to a different T? It wouldnít kill me. I feel like it would, though.

This stinks.

A little while ago, I was afraid my insurance might not cover my visits. It turned out okay. I feel bad for making you guys go through all of my same emotions again. Sorry if Iím repetitive. And I feel like this post is all disorganized. Kind of like my thoughts, I guess.

Thanks for listening. I guess Iím just hoping you can serve up the ice cream for me.

All Done




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