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Re: you're an inspiration

Posted by tabitha on May 30, 2004, at 2:37:51

In reply to you're an inspiration tabitha, posted by crushedout on May 29, 2004, at 19:35:14

She was quite surprised, and pleased. Unfortunately we spent a bit of time arguing with me insisting the group and therapy had actually caused my mood to drop the past few months, and her saying that my depression caused me to react negatively to the group. Well, whichever way you slice it, I was spiralling down, and constantly upset over therapy, and I wanted her to acknowledge that. She pointed out that every time I make some progress, I tend to get mad at myself for not getting better sooner, or I get mad at her for not getting me better sooner. Umm, well, yes, I do that, but I still wanted her to admit some guilt or something. By the end of the session, I'd gone on to talking about how her new haircolor made her look like my mother. I noticed this last week but didn't want to mention it, and she asked my feelings about that, and I said I had mixed feelings, partly horrified, and partly happy that I was seeing her as my mother. She said 'sounds like I haven't been a very good mother lately.' so I guess I got my acknowledgement, sort of.

But my mood improvement was really remarkable last week, just from trying to catch myself every time I slipped into some 'negative emotional arousal'. It even changed my sleep cycle for the better-- I was waking earlier and spending less time in bed.

Today started out really well, but by the end of the day I managed to get upset and start obsessing about my appearance. Too much time at the mall I think. It's definitely a depressing thought train. Maybe I'll do some journaling on this one.




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