Posted by tabitha on May 4, 2004, at 1:03:00
In reply to Um... » tabitha, posted by Racer on May 4, 2004, at 0:35:41
I didn't mean I won't talk to her about it.. I'm just feeling cynical about how the discussions go. It's always more issues for me to work on.
I have talked with her about how I don't feel supported anymore. I complained about not getting validation for my feelings. She says she won't validate distortions. That's when I learned to preface it all with some weasel-words like 'I'm noticing I'm having feelings about Joe, and I'm thinking he's such-and-such, and I realize I could be distorting, but...'. When I do that at least I don't get what I perceive to be a harsh counter-attack. I'll even sometimes get 'well I can understand why you'd feel that way if that's how you took it'.
Even last session, I pointed out how I was feeling like every time I complain about group, she turns it against me. She does her usual, listens, nothing changes. I usually get with the program (her program) eventually, but I'm really resisting right now. My rational part tells me she's not really handling this dual role very well with me.
It's just such a surprise. I've been seeing her 10 years, and before I started the group, when I'd gripe about people, I'd feel supported by what she said, although she didn't exactly buy all my perceptions. I'd sometimes get my feathers ruffled a bit, when she seemed to be extending compassion to them, but it was never like now, where I end up feeling attacked and shamed, and thinking it might be better to keep quiet. I think I keep trying, expecting to get the old response, and not getting it. Isn't that some definition of insanity?
Plus it makes me think she was playing me when she was being supportive before. Like it was just the easiest route then, to give me the benefit of the doubt, and give support, but now her loyalty is to the group, not to me. Makes me feel like I'm in a creepy cult.
I am curious about your experience.. did you go through the same thing with a group? Or did you have similar experience in individual?
poster:tabitha
thread:343053
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040503/msgs/343086.html