Posted by smokeymadison on April 30, 2004, at 20:03:51
In reply to Re: to cut or not to cut? » smokeymadison, posted by terrics on April 29, 2004, at 16:40:37
i looked at the site, Dinah. thanks. i did tell my therapist. i am suppose to check in every day for a while. i find that the scars i have keep me from cutting more often. i am a psych student and a lot of my profs are therapists. i find it terribly embarrasing that any of them might notice the scars. i usually have to wind up saying something about my problems b/c i miss so much class and am late on work. i feel like they can see right through me at times. i plan to go into research, not practice. i feel like i have no right to counsel people when i can't get my own shit together, let alone how unreliable i am.
about the cutting, i have a hard time thinking that taking a cold shower or sticking my hand in ice cream could be a replacement. when i am in that state i want to bleed, to see the blood. i have also burned my skin with cigarette butts before. i definately feel the pain, so i don't think i am that dissociated. does anyone know what exactly the brain does when you feel pain? i think that that is the key for me. it gets me feeling high for a while, whatever it is that happens.
poster:smokeymadison
thread:341108
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040426/msgs/341973.html