Posted by Escher Dementian on May 4, 2004, at 6:45:46
In reply to Re: what does the brain do? *trigger* » smokeymadison, posted by Dinah on April 30, 2004, at 20:29:42
> I think there are as many reasons to harm yourself as there are self injurers.
>...sometimes some not so nice reasons like wanting to have the secret knowledge
Dinah, thank you for your candidness and honesty.
i've been reading/hearing about adult symptoms from childhood abuse, and the reasons for them, but never before have i read/heard anyone mention the calmness of having the 'secret knowledge'. And THAT resonates with me exactly.
A pdoc asked me if i cut myself or have addictions, because those are typical symptoms, and i've wondered that each time i've begun a behaviour like that throughout my life, i've responded with almost a hypervigilance to prevent myself from continuing.
But there IS something (non-hurtful however might be shocking to most other people) that i do in private secrecy that brings me a calm when energy/'subtle' anxiety builds up too much.
Your words about "the calm in having a secret knowledge" (about my own body) is EXACTLY what is triggered for me.
There. I've said it. Now my neurosis is out there and online. (*very quiet tremble*) But it's _here_ among friends....?
Thank you, Dinah.