Posted by spoc on April 24, 2004, at 12:52:54
In reply to Re: More sidebar (To: spoc), posted by shadows721 on April 24, 2004, at 1:32:32
>> I want to show you something in your post....You explained why you don't express feelings. It wasn't safe to do so while you were growing up. So, now, you are giving yourself negative labels when you do feel things. Whoever was doing this to you taught you to do it to yourself. >
---<<<<You're right, and it it keeps me from winning either way. Negative self-label if I let the feeling rip with no qualification; but when I instead utter the Mature, Responsible, Analytical version of it, in my mind I am laughing ruefully at myself because I know it's hogwash that I am that "highly evolved," or that I derive more comfort from subscribing to the Mature/Rational interpretation of what "appear to be" emotions.
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> "I feel like it is my karma in this life not to be accepted or cared about if I show my real self." >
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>> Oh, that's not how Karma works. We get what we give out. You are a caring and intelligent person. You will get that caring back if you allow it to come you way. You can show your real self with a safe person. >
----<<<<<EEEK, you're right, that is what karma means! Hope using that term anyway wasn't a 'Freudian slip' -- but it probably was. Meaning that additionally, I think I don't receive because I don't give. I do try very hard to give, but maybe I suspect it's not enough, is of poor quality, or is somehow not sincere. Or even that 'trying' should have nothing to do with it, it should be natural. I doubt everything about my stabs at interaction, as in "Who the heck am I to think my opinion or attempts to help others have any worth or credibility? I'm only mimicking something I think sounds good, and if they buy into it anyway, I've done both of us a disservice."
---->> My question, "Where are your feelings?"...Your final reply in the post, "I guess I don't really want to know the answer." > > I respect that very honest answer and it's totally understandable. After all, it appears that a person(s) in your family sure had a problem with this. But now, you can free yourself from their believes.>
----<<<<<<I think I was interpreting why my behavior and avoidance up to this point has existed, but I don't mean to say that I now elect to continue to hide. I want to work on it! And I get the feeling that eventually my brain may start to calm down, and let go of anticipating too many additional things every time I want to express myself. Such that I may be more able to cut to the heart of matters, and post more efficiently. Thank you for your insights. : )
poster:spoc
thread:339137
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040419/msgs/339535.html