Posted by spoc on April 24, 2004, at 12:20:39
In reply to Re: More sidebar » spoc, posted by Dinah on April 24, 2004, at 3:15:54
> If you want constructive feedback, I think this post was magnificent. You took a big chance and revealed something of the real you. It's scary to make yourself vulnerable, but from big risks frequently come big rewards. I feel like I know you better, and I'll bet others do too. You don't seem bad or cursed to me. But then again, you remind me a lot of me. ;)
---I do think I "went through" something here yesterday, trying to break through the freaking wall. The glass I had in my ear was really starting to chafe, and I realized that no one could hear me even when I did try to speak. I was up and down and all over the place thinking I had done the right thing, then being enbarrassed and mortified. But I think it worked out right in the end, and I am more at peace with the fact that I've now formally and permanently documented here that I'm not so solid and strong/logical after all.
I even wonder about my name choice of spoc sometimes, because it was on the one hand an obvious choice based on how people typically pick names; but on the other hand, I regretted it for reasons including that I later wished I had picked something cute and meaningful to be my visual here (I may even change it). BUT! Maybe I did after all -- who is Spock? The repressed, analytical Vulcan from Star Trek! I had truly not thought of that on any conscious level!
Anyway, I think you're right that PB can help with issues of feeling IRL that we're on the other side of the glass/wall. But I have kind of a paradox going on there. Since my DSL got hooked up last year, and I have long worked at home with complete flexibility, I was sucked into cyberspace immediately like something out of a science fiction movie. (WOW! Star Trek again!!) I proceeded to hide there for marathon stretches, finding a wealth of everything from good information to entertainment and socialization. I maintain that Internet addiction truly does exist and is a disorder in its own right, not in the same school of other default behaviors/obsessions/addictions in which it still gets placed. It CAN be an entire, self-contained world.
The extent to which I have become only a cyber existence is absolutely bizarre. Suffice to say I sometimes don't sleep for 48 hours straight, and simply move my laptop from room to room all day as if it is my oxygen tank. I do have to work online/on a PC as well, which doesn't help. But these days, it's accurate to say that I spend about 17 hours of each day online or on the computer!!!
This has become by far the main reason I am plummeting away from any chance of mobilizing my life, energy and enthusiasm again. I recently commented to someone that I am now nothing more than cerebral hemispheres languishing on a chair, where my physical dimension used to be. I know that as much as I have TRULY obtained much benefit from my online activities, I need help first because beyond the time wasting (exacerbated by the fact that I am so perfectionistic, drone on and on, and can't even type); after a few hours it saps any physical or mental energy I could put into the real world that day, and makes me totally inert. SO!! I have to fight like heck to break the spell and make a connection to the physical world again.
Sorry! Felt like waxing creative today. Hey -- I've never checked out the creative writing board, nor any of the other Internet options/concepts for people who tend to go on at length and should put it where that's kind of the norm. But not safe for me to dabble in yet, it will end up as more than dabbling.
Anyway! I digress, surprise surprise! Thanks so much for your support! : )
poster:spoc
thread:339137
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040419/msgs/339528.html