Posted by spoc on April 23, 2004, at 16:00:35
In reply to Re: He crossed the line, posted by sjb on April 23, 2004, at 14:05:26
> I REALLY wish I never told them but there's nothing I can do about that now. >
> I can really relate to what others have said, esp. the person's who's family was more concerned "about what the Jones' would think" regarding her therapy. Geez, it's really something. It's like, "Honey, get help, but keep us out of it, we have an image of the good family to protect!" > It remains a lonely place. >
-----My family too would like to see me work my various problems out, but at the relevant times, not at the associated 'costs'. Maybe with them now getting worried about running out of time on this planet, they'd be willing to look at things they wouldn't previously. But I wouldn't put them through that at their age and it's probably not something they would need to hear about or be involved in anyway, as is kind of unavoidable in your situation. And as I say, I'm still not sure what if any part my experiences along the lines we are talking here affected me. But anyway...
When I told my mother a couple years after the fact that one of the incidents had been the family therapist they had taken us to, she robotically kept washing the dishes and made it clear she had nothing to say (sex even for the "right reasons" has always been a taboo subject in my parent's house). When I told my childhood best friend that the second instance had been her very popular 18 year old cousin when I was about 12, she became defensive for him and stated that he was SO popular that I should have been glad for the opportunity, like so many others would have been. Then she, being from that overall popular (cocktail circuit) family herself, did that thing where she went to school the next day and got a lot of kids to ostracize me. The third situation, which developed later, she witnessed several times, but I didn't bother complaining to her or anyone else at that point. It was her father, who would come home drunk and go after me when I was staying over. She would say "Please please just go along with him -- it'll be over quick and won't be that bad -- and otherwise he'll get very mad and may hurt us or (get this) yell and wake up the family!" ....
Thanks for letting me hijack your thread, sjb! I agree it has been enlightening. I still somehow don't think I "qualify" as a victim or deserve to feel bad, as weird as that may be. But this has given me a lot more to think about. So glad you have found what's right for you! Do you think your T will ever suggest confronting this man?
poster:spoc
thread:336255
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040419/msgs/339244.html