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Re: To: (spoc) re: aftermath of abuse » shadows721

Posted by spoc on April 24, 2004, at 14:06:57

In reply to To: (spoc) re: aftermath of abuse, posted by shadows721 on April 24, 2004, at 11:36:52

> I am so glad you are making the connections. Everthing you said made perfect sense. It appears that you are really starting to understand how this abuse has affected you. You now have the power to decide what to do with what happened to you. > > I think it's worth repeating. "You are an extremely intelligent person."
-----
(Funny how I have a sense of conserving space in a post, of both collapsing it but also making my part in the script stand out, as if I'm afraid I'm taking up too much room but also am afraid I won't get seen or heard. Or, it could just be the OCD/perfectionism. Or, maybe that's what the underlying cause of the OCD is!! Or, maybe I should get out of my chair; move; and clean the apartment now on this sunny, lovely day. I've had such a splendid morning here!)

Anyway, the ironic thing about my apparent ability to make connections but failure up til now to do so, is that it was by design. I have mostly resisted my natural interest in studying how the mind works, because I thought being naive would keep me fresher and more available to be struck by the TRUE causes of my problems should they present themselves. Rather than 'risking' reading about a lot of theories I may start to think apply to me, when they don't. Because my brain is flexible enough to do that. I also feared that I would start to sound like I read too many women's magazine articles, and start to spew pop culture "psychobabble," instead of making other kinds of conversation.

So, I've sheltered myself from being informed about how this stuff works to the extent that I even wound up in psychoanalysis for three months before I realized that this was a big part of my confusion over how things were panning out in itself. I told the T initially what I was looking for (somewhere between 'regular' psychotherapy and CBT); but *never* asked him if that was what he practiced! And he didn't tell me!

As far as getting any messages from the general public that I should supress my tendency to make connections, I probably am predisposed to thinking that message is being given me. But there is also an accurate component to it. I now live in a city with a huge social fast lane, where a majority of the singles are here for that reason. So there are big pockets of "Keep it simple and just have fun" thinking. I'm not out there talking about my own or anyone else's grave personal issues by any means, but I do have a hard time with small talk, and think "fun" is looking below the surface of things instead. Including with dead-on humor about myself and, tactfully, humanity in general (never personal to a casual acquaintance). And I think that puts some people off, or draws them in initially and then they realize it's simpler and easier elsewhere.

So here's an interesting insight along those lines that I saw in the archives and saved. I *hope* I do not sound headstrong in dangling this as applicable. It all makes a lot of sense to me, but here I refer mainly to the second part. Maybe I'll start a thread on this someday:

"...if you're (different) when you're a child you tend to see the world in a different manner, to feel detached from others and therefore to start *thinking* (in the attempt to solve your problems). On the other hand if you feel connected with the rest of the world (mom and dad and so on) you have no need to wonder yourself about anything."

* "Also the opposite seems true. if you're very clever people will find you strange (most people have an average IQ, by definition) and that could bring mental problems."*

Thanks for listening and sharing today, Shadows! ;- )


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